CEBU, Philippines — This topic may seem a little naughty to some. And it may mainly interest just the men. Yet a married woman or one who is in a romantic relationship with a man may also want to know what it is that men are especially concerned about and privately discuss among themselves.
A Cebuano who’s now a successful doctor in the US recently came home to visit his parents. One afternoon, he gathered a small group of the “boys” from college. Over bottles of beer, they talked for hours, about anything.
Then the subject of special interest to men of their age came up: Impotence. The homecoming doctor told the group that the problem afflicts, and gravely affects, many men the world over. Age is a common factor, he said; although it can also happen to younger men.
By the way, to be very clear, the word “impotence” is used here to mean the erectile dysfunction in men – the male inability to raise the red flag for action.
The doctor explained that there are two types of impotence: physical and psychological. A man who suspects that he has it may try to observe himself closely. If he can get his thing to rise at any other time outside of attempts at lovemaking with his usual partner, including while he is sleeping, his problem may be psychological.
But it might be difficult to tell if one has had a standup in his sleep, especially if it’s gone when he wakes up. To be sure whether he’s having it or not, there’s a simple home test that he can do. But he has to do it discreetly, or explain to his bedmate what he is doing.
It may seem a little funny, but, the doctor assured, it works. One of these Velcro bands for tying household ropes and wires may be used to tie comfortably around the man’s thing before going to sleep. He shall be careful not to stick the Velcro strap so much, so that it can easily break apart if a standup occurs. Then he can check on it in the morning.
But if the Velcro band is too much, there’s yet another way. The man may use a ring made from a strip of inexpensive postage stamps, instead. If the perforations have burst by morning, he’ll know he had it.
Whichever material he uses for testing, he shall be sure to maintain his proper position all throughout his sleep. When he turns over and lie down with his back upwards, any material he wraps around his little friend could break apart under his body weight.
The US-based Cebuano doctor also pointed out that impotence can occur after a prostate surgery, in which case its cause is physical. The same is true if there is trouble urinating, or if there’s numbness or tingling sensation in the legs or genital area, common among people with diabetes. Many men who complain of erectile dysfunction turn out to be diabetics.
Taking prescription drugs for other medical problems – blood-pressure medications, tranquilizers, antidepressants, and sleeping pills – are said to also inhibit erectile function. Even some over-the-counter drugs, like cold remedies containing antihistamine, can interfere with sexual performance. Smoking, too, may trigger impotence because it can cause the constriction of blood vessels, hindering the flow of blood necessary to have an erection.
Medical literature state that the slowing down of the male sexual function is normally more pronounced by age 50. Even when there is still sexual desire, often it is not intense enough to prompt the body into action. Older men require more stimulation to get their thingy up, and longer rest periods in between shots.
But this should not be a cause for depression. Sexual function is usually one of the last functions to decline with age. Men – and women – can have a sexually fulfilled life well into their 90s or even beyond.
Starting in their 40s, the great majority of men will at least have had an experience of not being able to get it up. This means that a man’s most feared – and, yes, most embarrassing – experience is, in fact, almost a universal one.
One bad night isn’t necessarily a sign that a man is turning impotent. In fact, even if he’s only hitting once in every four attempts, he’s still not necessarily wilted, the doctor said. An occasional erectile failure is rather normal by around mid-life.
The loss of desire for the sexual partner is often at the bedrock of the impotence problem. Some vitamin deficiencies or imbalance in body chemicals are believed to aggravate the condition. But even the most vitamin-deficient, old man will rise up to an intimate occasion with a sexy young woman.
Psychologists have the best prescription yet for preventing impotence: “Don’t think about it.” Once it gets in the man’s head, he often compounds the problem with excessive worry. He shall be aware that periods of failure due to stress, fatigue or anxiety are normal.
The man shall deal with the factors that are either keeping his mental focus away or his physical energy down, and he’ll almost always solve his sexual languor. Any kind of anxiety is a common distraction. An example: When a man senses an impending assault, his emergency reflexes will cause blood to rush to his arms and legs so he can fight the enemy, not to his groins so he can make love.
Humans are intellectual creatures. They interpret the things around them; and, as they do, they can be turned on or turned off sexually according to their interpretation of what’s going on within the sphere of their senses. It is also not unusual for a man to lose sexual desire for a wife who has grown obese, has aged and no longer physically attractive.
Moreover, if the woman also begins to show ugly traits and rough behavior, then the loss of sexual desire on the part of the man can be aggravated. In such situation, many men will think they are becoming impotent, or even use impotence as an excuse. But, in truth, there’s nothing wrong with them.
The greatest factor in sexual fulfillment is desire. When sexual desire wanes, so does the sexual performance. The loss of desire in sexual partners is not a problem if it occurs to both of them at the same time. But this is very rarely the case. Often it occurs in one partner and not in the other. Then trouble begins.
In a macho culture like in the Philippines, the wilting of a man’s sexual tool is regarded as quite a humiliating defeat. Yet few people give the slightest thought to impotence until it strikes. The visiting doctor’s advice is to maintain good health always. Proper diet and exercise is the best combination for preventing impotence, as it is for preventing many other ailments. An active, playful imagination is important, as well.
However, once the problem is there, meaning when a man begins to have a series of multiple misfires over a period of months, then he should seek medical attention: get a physical exam and a psychological lifestyle check, to determine whether the problem is physical or mental.
There’s no cause to panic over a waning sexual function. There is help available. A simple visit to the doctor will help a lot in alleviating the problem. Or, it may be time to start looking at the many other beautiful things to enjoy in life than sex alone.