When someone throws you a ball, you don’t have to catch it

There are times when life becomes more stressful for us after hearing someone’s problem. We feel obligated to give the troubled person a shoulder to cry on. Eventually, his or her problem becomes our problem.

Along this line of thinking, Richard Carlson, Ph.D. in his book, “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff… and it’s all small stuff,” shares his experience: “My best friend… taught me this valuable lesson. Often our inner struggles come from our tendency to jump on board someone else’s problem; someone throws you a concern and you assume you must catch it, and respond. Remembering that you don’t have to catch the ball is a very effective way to reduce the stress in your life. Like, when your friend calls you, you can drop the ball, meaning you don’t have to participate simply because he or she is attempting to lure you into it. If you don’t take the bait, the person will probably call someone else to see if they will become involved.”

My friend had been catching a ball every time it was thrown in her path. She became a participant in other people’s problems to the point that people whom she helped had become dependent on her. Inside, she was blaming herself why she couldn’t say no. Not until one Sunday while attending Mass, the priest said in his homily: “If you want to help people, don’t give them fish; but teach them how to fish.” At that moment she realized that she had to stop catering to everyone who knocked at her door. She became selective in extending her help.

Why is it important to be selective in helping others? Manuel Blanco of manuelblancoblogspot.com website has this to say:

• We all have a responsibility towards others, to help improve everyone’s lives by sharing our gifts, talents, and offer the best of us. What we give to others, we give to ourselves. There’s enough abundance on earth to provide for the needs of everyone, only that we have to prioritize. We have to be selective for obvious reasons. While helping others is a responsibility, it is also a voluntary decision. We do not have to do anything for anyone unless we want to. First we must provide for our own needs.

• If helping someone means that we have to sacrifice something that it is essential to us, then we have to consider and think twice.

• It is important to know if the person asking for help is truly committed to change and do their work.

• For whatever reasons people might have to ask for help, it is not to be judged. There are many reasons why people ask for help. The task of the helper is to decide whether to help them or not.

• Most of all, helping others is also a learning process. Along the way, we must learn to recognize those who ask constantly, almost daily, and those who truly need.