CEBU, Philippines — If you’re dealing with people experiencing grief, you can make their journey a little easier along the way.
1. Don’t say “Anything I can do, please shout or call” or something similar. Offer to do something, anything, real tangible things. “Can I come over for a coffee?”?or? “Can I bring you anything from the supermarket?” – or anything that’s an actual deed. To say, “Anything I can do, please call” is like saying, “I have no idea what to say and have no intention of doing anything.” Don’t put yourself in that bracket.
2. Understand you’re now dealing with a muddled mind. The person grieving needs help making decisions, but gently. Clarity of whatever you’re offering is imperative. Simply just deciding a meeting place and time for that promised coffee makes the offer much better and lessens the cognitive load just that bit more. Be a little more patient.
3. Everything and anything can set the griever off on an emotional downward spiral. But often, talking about the lost loved one is the thing that brings the most peace – yet it's the one thing people skirt around.
4. Speak about any triggers. Often the griever has triggers associated with death. With most people, it’s ambulances or sirens, among other things. This is not so you can tread on eggshells around the griever nor baby them, it’s so that you can understand a change of behavior if in the presence of the trigger.
5. Listen intently.If the griever tries to tell you of a change in behavior or something he or she has noticed as being different about the way they cope, be interested to hear them out.Read between the lines, schedule a cup of tea and go and talk about it – they could be trying to tell you they're going downhill and need a shoulder, without wanting to appear weak.
6. Understand they can function perfectly normally too. The grieving person may not struggle in areas of life where the lost loved one was never really part of – like, for instance, one’s job. He or she may still be able to focus, deliver great projects, and do good work. The minute five p.m. hits, however, the person may suddenly feel exhausted and become a bottle of emotions, but most likelycoworkersmay not be able to notice the grief.
7. Tears. They make almost everyone uncomfortable don’t they? Some people may shake the griever physically and say, “Life goes on…”, while others may just sit around and provide quiet companyand pass tissues. Knowing how to deal with people who cry in your presence will help a lot.
The biggest fallacy statement that gets bounded around is “Time heals." You learn to live with it. One of the worst pressures is setting a certain date by when to be healed. Time lessens the sting; but for the griever, it’s almost a prison sentence without parole. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. One just has to get up each morning and hope something gives a glimmer to get him or her through the day.
That glimmer can take the shape of good friends, new friends, family, and the small things they do along the way. One day, the griever may repay the huge favor of kindness they've shown, when sadly,it’s their time to tread the same road.(https://lifehacker.com)