Second chance

Before Christmas 2018, Ateneo de Manila resolved the bullying scandal by dismissing from its high school the teenage bully who was seen on video beating up another boy in the school toilet.

The victim has received an avalanche of sympathy, but he and his family are certainly traumatized.

The bully, a taekwondo athlete competing for Ateneo, has also been suspended indefinitely by the Philippine Taekwondo Association.

We haven’t heard from the bully’s father, who was challenged to a fight by a Filipino-Canadian military combat trainer who was in the Philippines for a holiday visit. The balikbayan told our Allure editor Bum Tenorio that he was bullied as a boy and believes parents play a big role in their children’s aggressive behavior.

Even before the smoke had cleared, however, there was already talk about giving the bully a second chance, especially since he falls under the legal definition of a minor.

There are reports that an exclusive school run by another religious order is willing to give him that second chance and accept him, although perhaps it’s now too late for the school year and he would be falling back by a year.

It was the Christmas season, after all, and the idea that everyone deserves a second chance runs deep in many faiths.

Concerns have also been raised about bullying the bully. The argument is that we don’t kill murderers or rob thieves. But there’s a thin line between bullying a bully and heaping opprobrium on him.

It wouldn’t be surprising if that other exclusive school changes its mind and decides not to accept the bully. There are parents who wouldn’t want their kids to get anywhere near a serial school bully who is skilled in taekwondo. As he and his father have been identified on social media and in some news reports, the story could haunt the bully even if he relocates to another country.

Ateneo officials have said the incident has caused great anguish within the school community, which isn’t going away even with the dismissal of the bully.

* * *

Kids can be extremely mean. In my Catholic grade school, there was a time when I went to class in a pair of shoes so worn I was using them like slippers, with my soles crushing the back portion.

I thought it was a more comfortable way of using the shoes as they became too tight for my growing feet. But one day as we piled into the school grounds, an older girl from another class asked me loudly why I was padding around in such lousy shoes. And she told me to get out of her way.

It was hardly a beating by taekwondo, or being given the choice of a beating or kissing a bully’s shoes. But it was still bullying, and yes, Juana, even girls engage in it. The worse form of bullying – hazing in college initiation rites – has victimized boys and girls alike. Even girls in top medical schools, whose professions require them to swear not to do harm, indulge their inner beasts in violent sorority initiation rites.

I bore the humiliation and waited for the next occasion to buy new shoes – I can’t remember now if it was Christmas or my birthday. But I remember that I didn’t tell anyone about the bully; I just avoided her.

In childhood, you don’t want people, including your parents, to know you have been bullied.

* * *

The silence of victims, arising from the fear of further humiliation, is one of the biggest hindrances to stopping bullying. Aside from the humiliation, kids at a certain age become scornful of telling on even those who have done them wrong.

Schools must provide a mechanism for encouraging students to report cases of bullying and other abuses, with measures to guarantee a modicum of protection from retaliation.

In certain cases, this will entail coordination with the Philippine National Police as well as the National Bureau of Investigation, which has a unit dedicated to fighting cybercrime. Psychological bullying in cyberspace can be as damaging as a physical attack. Persistent bullying on social media can drive teens to suicide.

Anti-administration critics have blamed President Duterte and his tough policies against crime for reinforcing the culture of violence – in thoughts, words and deeds – even among the young.

As staunch Duterte supporter Bruce Rivera told us yesterday on One News / Cignal TV’s The Chiefs, however, the President got to where he is despite (or with the help of?) his potty mouth and vulgar rape jokes. The guy is already set in his ways. Attorney Bruce reminded us about the saying that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Perhaps one day the potty mouth will get Duterte in serious trouble. In the meantime, people will just have to work around intemperate presidential remarks and draw up ways of discouraging bullying especially among children.

The measures must deal with both the bullied and the bully, who is likely to be suffering – as psychologists have pointed out – from certain forms of abusive behavior by someone more powerful or of higher authority.

Certain forms of bullying can constitute criminal offenses and cannot be exempted from punishment. When bullies cause such grievous harm, it’s difficult to even consider giving them a second chance.

The season of joy, however, is still upon us. As our society grapples with bullying, second chances will have to be worked into programs to deal with the problem. Or else the bullied could in turn become a bully.