Political promises

I am writing this on a cool, rainy morning on the first day of the year, an auspicious time to clear the air and wipe the cobwebs away from the ceilings. Smog and cobwebs have clotted the political discourse so early in the game, way before the campaign period on Feb. 9. If we only used the brains that God gave us, the logic (art of thinking) that we learnt in school, and research from Mr. Google and Ms. Ask.Com, we could have avoided such situations. Let me enumerate some. No holds barred.

The Liberal Party (LP) insisting that Senator Grace Poe lied to them about her disqualification case. Hello! The LP was already wooing her months before the Oct. 16 deadline for filing of candidacies. They wanted her to run for the vice presidency to boost the chances of Dept. of Interior and Local Government Secretary Mar Roxas. By then, Senator Poe was being hounded by allegations on her qualifications to run by United Nationalist Alliance (UNA) top official Congressman Toby Tiangco. That was the lead news for several days. I should know. I write for the Philippine STAR and I head the research group at TV5. Unbidden, the news cycle appears even in my dreams. Or nightmares.

Moreover, the LP should change Caloocan Congressman Eric Erice as its spokesman. His brash image runs counter to the Mr. Clean image of Secretary Roxas. In my radio show “Remoto Control” (which will return this Monday at 92.3 FM at 8:30 PM), I interviewed Cong. Erice last year and he only had the most uncharitable words about VP Binay. I was asking him about election issues, but he just blabbed on about the VP’s skin color (majitim) and the aesthetics of his face(mapangit). So I looked at the close-ups of Cong. Erice in Google and he didn’t look far too different from the VP. Para lang silang pinagbiyak na bakya (They just look like wooden clogs split in two).

That kind of spokesman we have in Atty. Rico Quicho of UNA. Martin Andanar and I interviewed him in the morning show, “Punto Asintado” at Radyo 5 a fortnight ago. I sat there as a substitute anchor for Erwin Tulfo, who was on official mission to do coverage in Europe. Why did I substitute for him? Do not ask me. More than once, the Tulfo brothers have invited me to join them in “T3,” their fast and furious show, if one of them was either sick or on leave, because they said they like my being “frank and forthright.”

So frank and forthright I was when I asked Atty. Quicho how the VP was holding up after the LP had blasted him with uranium so early in the game. He said that his principal is doing well and is just quietly going around to, uh, feel the pulse of the people. By this time, VP Binay had returned to the top spot in the surveys. I thanked Atty. Quicho for answering the issues and he said that he really did his best because one of his friends was my former student at Ateneo and his friend told him to behave, or else…

That does not mean I am rooting for VP Binay. My close friends are Binay volunteers and they asked me what I thought of their campaign. I said they should not show his wife, Doctora Elenita Binay, and their elected children (Senator Nancy, former Mayor Jun-jun, and Congresswoman Abigail) in the ads because this will just remind people of political dynasty. Son of a tarantula – you are the VP, yet your daughter whose CV is thinner than a coupon bond is now a senator, your son took over your long mayorship, and your daughter is a Congresswoman! What is this, a family reunion?

 I also told them not to feature the Doctora because, with all due respect, her strand of big pearls (genuine Mikimoto) is too long such that when she sits, it would dangle and arrange itself on her lap like a nest of white marbles. Not a pretty sight, especially when your daughter on skates just Instagrammed to the whole world that she and the Binay family were vacationing “in our place” in Batangas. This was the alleged “Hacienda Binay,” with its vast gardens reminiscent of London’s Kew Gardens. I went to graduate school in the UK, and boy oh boy, that garden is an exact replica of Kew. So even in our fantasies, images of the British Empire still run pala, ha. It reminds you of the alleged wish of then-First Lady, Imelda Marcos, for Imee to study in the UK so she could meet Prince Charles, marry him, and become part of British royalty. Well, Prince Charles now looks like a tired, old horse but Imee, whoa! Our 60-year-old Imee still looks young, with downy skin and perfect facial symmetry. Do not ask me why. Go to Mr. Google and Ms. Ask.Com.

So what about Mayor Rody Duterte? Mayor Duterte supported us in 2009 when the Commission on Elections refused accreditation to our Ladlad Party-list, calling me “a threat to the youth” and that I violated the teachings of “the Holy Bible and the Koran.” Maybe not. I took up four Theology subjects in school, with the Holy Bible (Revised Student Version for Catholics, the RSV) as our textbook. I also enrolled in Islam as well as Islamic Mysticism and Literature at Rutgers University, where we read the suras of the Holy Koran. Moreover, I was a research adviser of Director Marilou Diaz-Abaya’s film, Bagong Buwan (New Moon), which is about the Muslim Filipinos’ struggle for self-determination.

Mayor Duterte came to our defense, and asked why is Comelec refusing a legitimate party from running, when in its senior ranks, there are people who sell party-list accreditations. He said, “Si Professor Remoto matinong bading, eh kayo? Grupo kayo ng mga magnanakaw. (Professor Remoto is a good gay man, but what about you? You’re a bunch of thieves.)” O ayan.

So when Mayor Duterte came to our “Happy Hour” interview on TV5, nobody wanted to sit in front of him. I did, and I asked him why he does not want to run for President in spite of the clamor for a Filipino Lee Kuan Yew to save our country messed-up by oligarchs, drug lords, and criminals? He said, “Because I do not hunger for it, because I do not have money, because there will be blood.” But now that he is running, perhaps his team could harmonize their campaign efforts and craft a clear, coherent, and consistent message?

As National Artist Rolando S. Tinio said of art, “Do not shock me. Surprise me.” In art as in politics, shock only works the first time. Afterward, it becomes a pose.” And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where we pause, until the next political column comes barreling down your page.

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