Does your child hate his teacher?

Who can overpower your child – the principal, the curriculum, the textbooks, or the teachers? The teacher can inspire a struggling student to feel like Thomas Edison, or he can turn off a budding scholar.

Watch out for the danger signals

At the start of the school year, most parents are willing to be tolerant of their child’s teacher who is neither inspiring nor friendly, making him or her hate school. Such attitudes of teachers aren’t actually harmful if your child is relatively happy in school and is making academic progress.

At this time, you are about to receive your child’s second quarter report card. What if your child is in trouble – his grades have suddenly plummeted. He tends to feel sick every morning and refuses to go to school. Then, finally one morning, he admits why – he hates his teacher.

The resentment of authority starts in infancy. Feeding, sleeping, bathing and changing are intermingled with fighting. Even breastfeeding or bottle-feeding babies whimper and fret when the mother puts them on schedule since this usually contradicts the natural timetable that each happy baby is born with. To feed "on demand" is what makes a happy baby.

Abusive parents and teachers

In elementary or high school, your child could have a genuinely abusive teacher. Complaints should be brought at once to the attention of the authorities – the principal or even the police, in cases of actual violence or serious threats. Less visible harm to which your child is being subjected to is referred to as psychological cruelty.

Although principals of good schools may estimate that 80 percent of "teacher problems" can be resolved peacefully, it is very probable that many other schools would only rate 60 percent success.

The phenomenon of abusive teachers matches that of abusive parents. Adult oppression of children is easily prompted by the credulity and helplessness of very young children. Other culprits could be yayas and other child guardians. This can also be duplicated in an unregulated preschool in the neighborhood.

The revolution in education can only start spontaneously at home and in a preschool. The wealth of Filipino virtues can only be inflamed dramatically in early childhood. Since this cannot be done with mere conventional teaching, this social revolution can only be possible through a different kind of teacher-training, for the fundamental problem of education is a social problem caused by the pride and anger of teachers which oppress them. Thus, she cannot properly understand, appreciate and guide the children to maturity.

The difference between the work of a child and that of an adult

Almost none of the teacher training institutions in the world has looked into the aspect of the great difference between the child’s character and that of the adult. They have concentrated more on the pedagogical strategies and techniques of teachers, forgetting the universal conflict between the child and the adult.

From birth to the age of 18, the child is in the process of becoming, whereas the adult has already become or has reached the "norm of the species."

If our educational system is still in search of a philosophy of education, this is it. It would help us see the forest, not only the tree. The vast work of revolutionizing the Filipino child rearing ways may require at least a hundred years of steady nurturance. Instead, it is constantly destabilized by political administrative changes since after every presidential election a new DECS secretary is appointed.

Therefore, while the adult tends to minimize or make "shortcuts" with his work, the child maximizes his efforts (washes his hands four times, buttons and unbuttons repetitiously, etc.) The adult pulls out a drawer just once to get something whereas the child repeatedly pulls out and pushes back the drawer to build his "inner self." This repetition is similar to the adult sportsman practicing his golf putts, the basketball shots and dribbles, the swimmer’s strokes and speed, etc.

Finally, the crowning difference is that while the adult gets exhausted with his work, the child instead is forever refreshed by work.

The tyrant teacher

Unless the Filipino adult understands this social relationship and begins to respect the child… Unless the parents, teachers and legislators provide him the right environment and activities "for becoming"… Unless this provision is given to him TODAY instead of tomorrow, this country will NEVER BECOME.

The technical training of a teacher is less difficult than her spiritual training. There are two sins which tend to distort our true vision of the child: the sins of PRIDE and ANGER. Thus, HUMILITY and PATIENCE are the virtues needed by the NEW teachers. Adults are usually guilty of PRIDE. Adult pride is expressed in TYRANNY in the classroom. This results from his assuming undisputed authority. Since most teachers claim these as their rights, woe to the student who tries to violate them. Although a DICTATORSHIP can be imposed, the teacher cannot possibly be self-righteous among his adult peers.

The Clown in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night says, "My foes tell me plainly I am an ass so that by my foes I profit in the knowledge of myself." The social control among adults unfortunately does not work with the child who is prevented from reflecting on the adult’s error. Small children have so little experience that they will even justify the teacher’s fault at their own expense. They will believe themselves to be wrong, just because the teacher accused them unjustly. Brother Juniper, from the accounts of the Little Flowers of St. Francis, in his humility wept thinking he was a hypocrite just because a priest told him so.

Over-stimulating the child with toys results in a broken man

In oppressing children, both parents and teachers can wield a diabolical power against the child. This happens when the adult does the work of the child, encouraging his dependency or when he suppresses the feeble and timid attempts of the young child to work by himself. Deprived of the psychic self-fulfilling activities, his intelligence and movement develop separately and a "broken man" results. Bathing by oneself, dressing up, care of the surrounding within the house or garden are self-fulfilling.

The mind that should build itself on real-life projects flees into fantasy. The child becomes disorderly and purposeless. They begin to work, only to leave it unfinished. The adult may punish this kalikutan (hyperactive tendencies) or mistakenly encourage this, believing the child is listo (opposite of being timid or shy). Psycho-analysis has recognized the abnormal imagination of children as "psychological fugues" wherein a child flees to a make-believe world and is never able to get things done as he flits from one toy to another, from one work to another in fits and fancy. Try replacing the child’s play with household chores done together with you. Discourage dependency on yayas. Help him to help himself.

Diminishing the child’s intelligence

In school, the deviated child has diminished intelligence. His intelligence has been more or less suppressed and quenched in discouragement. It might be compared, roughly, to dislocated bones. Therefore, this requires a most delicate care if there is to be a return to normalcy.

It is impossible to direct or guide a deviated intelligence without encountering a defense. A kind of curtain comes down over the child’s mind, making him psychologically deaf and blind. It is as though the subconscious mind were saying: "You speak, but I am not listening; you repeat things, but I do not hear you. I cannot build up my world because I am building up a wall of defense so that you cannot come in!"

This slow, prolonged work of defense leads a child to act as though he had lost his natural powers and is no longer a question of willingness or unwillingness. Thus, the teacher would usually regard such students unintelligent or incapable of understanding certain subjects, for instance mathematics and science.

Tips on how to negotiate with your child’s teacher

In conclusion, here are tips on how you can become a good negotiator with your child’s teacher. First, INVESTIGATE THE PROBLEM. Talk to your child. Visit the class. Talk to other parents and students.

Second, MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE TEACHER. It is a collaborative process. It is not parent against teacher or teacher against parent. The school psychologist is invaluable.

Third, DECIDE ON A PLAN AND STAY INVOLVED. Perhaps, the teacher will agree that she has been a bit severe and offer to correct Jojo in a more kindly manner – maybe single him out for praise once in a while. Bobby’s teacher, on the other hand, might revise her lesson plan and give Bobby math problems and you can help him with it at home. Monitor the situation for a few weeks and meet with the teacher again if you have to.

Fourth, TALK TO THE PRINCIPAL IF THE PROBLEM PERSISTS. Try to write down all the things that have happened – names, dates and behavior. Keep expectations reasonable and you will get the most cooperation.

Keep your cool and never be defensive

It is not advisable to start by demanding that a teacher be dismissed. If you go in with blazing guns, you automatically make the principal your adversary.

Above all, never be defensive about standing up for your youngster. No apology is necessary for wanting to improve the situation for your child.

((For more information, please e-mail at obmci@mozcom.com)