Isang Pambansang Kwento
(Ang inyong matutunghayan ay nangyari isang araw matapos magwagi muli ang ating tinaguriang “Pambansang Kamao”— si Manny Pacquiao. Ang lugar: Isang maliit na hintuan ng mga tsuper ng taxi na tinatawag na “Ang Pambansang Kainan.” Sundan natin ang isang eksena ... )
Andres:“Ano ngayon ang masasabi mo sa ating Pambansang Kamao?”
Gorio: “You know man, hindi na ako masyadong interesado sa Pambansang Kamao. Sanay na ako sa kanya na talagang magaling eh. Ang mas gusto kong malaman ay yaong tungkol sa ‘Pambansang Kaano’.”
Andres: “Ahhh ... ang Pambansang Kaano ng Pambansang Kamao!”
Gorio: “Tumpak man!”
Andres:“Chismis lang yata yun eh, dahil may Pambansang ‘K’ naman talaga si Pambansang Kamao.”
Gorio: “Hoy, anong ‘K’?”
Andres: “Ano pa, eh di Kabiyak.”
Gorio: “Teka, maiba ako, ano naman ang masasabi mo sa pagkaka-awit ng La Diva sa ating Pambansang Awit?”
Andres: “Iba, ‘di ba? Kaya siguro nagalit na naman ang mga taga-National Historical Institute. Ayon sa kanila, ang ‘Pambansang Sakit Ng Ulo’ nila ngayon ay ang mga umaawit ng Pambansang Awit ng Pilipinas kapag may boksing lalo na pag laban ni Pacman. Pinalitan na naman daw.”
Gorio: “Teka, bakit ba sila magagalit kung palitan man? Yung dating ‘Pambansang Sayaw’ nga nating ‘Tinikling’ ay pinalitan nila ng Cariñosa eh.”
Andres: “Korekek! At hindi lang ‘yan, pinalitan din nila ang dating ‘Pambansang Ibon’ nating ‘Maya’ at ginawa nilang Philippine Eagle.”
Gorio: “Siguro para matigil na ‘yang mga away-away na ‘yan tungkol sa kung papaano aawitin ang ating Pambansang Awit, bakit hindi na lang nila gawin ‘yung ginagawa ngayon sa maraming talent shows sa TV — merong judge.”
Andres: “Eh sino naman ang magiging Pambansang Judge?”
Gorio: “Eh di si Julian Felipe.”
Andres: “Isang Pambansang Ngek!”
* * *
And as requested, here’s more RE-BASTERED BEATLES ...
(To the tune of Run For Your Life)
When I first met you
You said little girl
You have never been with a man
You’ve never been in bed with a male
Sex ay wala kang alam
Bakit ba nung bumigay ka
Sa’kin little girl
At ikaw’y nag-unan little girl
Nilagay sa balakang
Ang unan mo little girl... ngek!
* * *
(To the tune of Act Naturally)
They’re gonna put things in your boobies
They’re gonna make them bigger like cup E
They’ll make them large;
No more tits that sag and lowly
And hope that your new jugs
Will look nat’rally
(Refrain)
Well, I’ll bet you
It’s gonna be a big scare
When you fall over
That would be your hell
The boobies gonna bring you disaster
‘Cause you have a truckload of gel ... Ngek!
* * *
(To the tune of Something)
Something very weird occurred
When I made love to my new lover
Something in the way did shock me
There was something in between
Her legs that looked like my thing... Ngek!
* * *
(To the tune of And Your Bird Can Sing)
They say that you are talented waist down
Yes, your “bird” can sing
But someone I heard
Ganon din “bird”
And he says his “bird” is better
It can dance and sing
Then a bird chirps in something shocking
(Refrain)
That their prized possessions
Ay nag-duet, wow!
And the song they sang was
“Together Again” daw... ngek!
* * *
(To the tune of A Hard Day’s Night/ bonus version)
It’s been so hard all night
And I’ve been working my little dog
It’s been so hard all night
Too much Viagra I swallowed
My wife oh what will I do
Yes when I get home to you
Will say na lang my dog has died.
(Biglang nanigas ... patay!)
Ngek!
* * *
Watch Mel & Joey in Switzerland tonight featuring CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, made famous by the movie Angels & Demons, and see the beautiful Montreux at the Swiss Riviera. Get to know some of our kababayan in Federer country and their interesting stories. We will also take you to the birthplace of Emmental cheese, sometimes called the Swiss cheese or the hole-y cheese. Where? Eh di sa Emmental!
Also watch Joey’s Quirky World before S.O.P. and Wow, Mali! on TV5 after Front Act.
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