8 habits of considerate people

CEBU, Philippines — Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, “Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax.” It’s true. Being kind and considerate softens people and makes them agreeable to your way of thinking.

But I see another meaning there, too. I think he’s also saying that being considerate of others is an integral part of what it means to be human. Charles Darwin would have agreed. He argued that our instinct to be considerate is even stronger than our instinct to be self-serving.

As obvious as that may seem, it’s only recently that neuroscience has been able to explain why. Research conducted by Dacher Keltner at Berkeley showed that our brains react exactly the same when we see other people in pain as when we experience pain ourselves. Watching someone else experience pain also activates the structure deep inside the brain that’s responsible for nurturing behavior, called the periaqueductal gray.

Being considerate of others is good way to win friends, and is also good for your health. When you show consideration for others, a ‘reward center’ in the brain is triggered, which elevates the levels of chemicals that make you feel good. This makes you feel great, which is similar to what’s known as “runner’s high,” and some of these chemicals are good for your heart.

That’s all well and good, but how practical is it? How do you become more considerate when you have so many other things competing for your limited mental energy? It’s not that hard – all you have to do is emulate the habits of highly considerate people.

1. Show up on time. Sure, sometimes things happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear message that you think your time is more important than everyone else’s, and that’s just rude. Even if you really do think that your time is more important, you don’t have to make that belief obvious to others. Instead, be considerate and show up when you said you would.

2. Be deliberately empathic. It’s one thing to feel empathy for other people, but putting that feeling into action is another matter entirely. It’s great to be able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes – in fact, it’s essential – but that doesn’t necessarily translate into being considerate. To be deliberately empathic, you have to put yourself in their situation, and that may mean changing your behavior to accommodate their feelings or providing help for them.

3. Apologize when you need to (and don’t when you don’t). We all know people who are so insecure or so afraid of offending someone that they practically apologize for breathing. In such situations, apologizing loses its meaning. But it’s a different matter entirely when a sincere apology is really necessary. When you’ve made a mistake, or even think you’ve made a mistake, apologizing is a crucial part of being considerate.

4. Smile a lot. Physically, it’s easier to frown than to smile – smiling involves more muscles; however, it pays to make the extra effort, as smiling has a huge effect on other people. People naturally (although unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. When you smile at people, they will unconsciously return the favor and you both feel good as a result.

5. Mind your manners. A lot of people have come to believe that not only are manners unnecessary, they’re undesirable because they’re fake. These people think that being polite means you’re acting in a way that doesn’t reflect how you actually feel, but they’ve got it backwards. “Minding your manners” is all about focusing on how the other person feels, not on how you feel. It’s consciously acting in a way that puts other people at ease and makes them feel comfortable.

6. Be emotionally intelligent. One of the huge misbeliefs people have is that feeling something is the same as acting on that feeling, and that’s just wrong, because there’s this little thing called self-control. Whether it’s helping out a co-worker when you’re in a crunch to meet your own deadline or continuing to be pleasant with someone who is failing to return the favor, being considerate often means not acting on something selfish or negative you feel.

7. Try to find a way for everybody to win. Many people approach life as a zero-sum game. They think that somebody has to win and somebody else has to lose. Considerate people, on the other hand, try to find a way for everybody to win. That’s not always possible, but it’s their goal. If you want to be more considerate, stop thinking of every interaction with others as a win/lose scenario.

8. Act on your intuition when it comes to other people’s needs. Sometimes you can just tell when someone is upset or having a bad day. In such cases, being considerate means checking in with them to see if your intuition is correct. If your intuition is telling you to reach out – do it; they’ll appreciate your concern.

Bringing it all together. Being considerate is good for your mental and physical health, your relationships with others, and everyone around you. On top of that, it just makes you feel good. (www.talentsmart.com)