CEBU, Philippines — The holidays can be a time for the entire family to gather together. As the song goes: “‘Tis the season to be jolly.” But it can also be a stressful time to have a good number of extended family members around – including those that the host family is no longer familiar with and those with not-so likable traits.
Setting a few boundaries. Whether it’s about not tolerating drugs and alcohol with children around, or not allowing someone else to correct one’s own children, boundaries are important to set. It can mean making the tough decision to walk away from the family gathering before it's over. Walking away is better than making a scene when a family is confronted with behavior that runs against its cherished home culture.
Not expecting too much. Perhaps the simplest way to avoid stress and disappointment in coming together with extended family during the holidays is to have no expectations. It’s enough to see dear relatives around, with no expectation for the gathering to be just like or better than the last time. The key is just to enjoy the present moment. Many things may have changed as families would have grown in both size and experience.
Staying positive even in the company of mean family members. While conversations turn to topics that are a little too personal and sensitive, a polite but firm reply uttered in a positive tone will work to preclude heated arguments. Keeping the positive vibe will help make the holidays truly merry for all, even when dealing with difficult family members. If may also help to walk away momentarily when the conversation begins to heat up.
Taking sincere interest in others. One of the nice parts of the holidays is catching up with extended family that one may not have seen in a while. Sincere conversations on one another’s goings-on is good bonding time for the extended family.
Respecting each other’s family culture. Parenting style, for example, vary among parents. As extended family gathers, there is surely going to emerge different parenting style. It’s better for parents to just stick to their own parenting styles. Parents commenting on each other’s parenting styles could be an irritant to spark a heated argument.
Remembering family members who have passed on. A good way to avoid arguments and conflict when coming together for the holidays is for extended family to focus instead on the good legacy of members who are already gone. By taking the time to remember the good traits of deceased elders, family members may emulate those traits and, at the same time, eternalize the memory of deceased loved one. It is also a way for the family to preclude bickering among themselves.
Everyone shall bear in mind that family is family no matter what. While everyone may want every member to be best, the desire shall never get in the way of enjoying one another’s peaceful and loving company. (FREEMAN)