How to deal with a lie

CEBU, Philippines - The “L” word – Lie. No one wants to ever be lied to, yet at some point in our lives we all have either lied (yes, we all have) or been lied to. The feeling – well, the act of course – sucks. Plain and simple.

Often, our first immediate reaction is anger. It irritates us to no end that this person thinks we are stupid enough to lie to. It insults our intelligence and it seriously does hurts our feelings too.

There are many things we should and shouldn’t do when we’ve been lied to but here are a few tips that may help you next time it happens. Try one or two, and see if it helps make a difference in the way you feel afterwards. Quite possibly, the liar may even get the hint and stop lying, a little.

Don’t tell the town about it. That’s gossiping and that doesn’t make you any better. Whatever reason this person lied to you surely can be justified by them, but definitely don’t go all over town and bash them. Two wrongs don’t make a right. There is no doubt about the fact that what they did was wrong. The whole town doesn’t need to know about it though.

Don’t “lie” back. What’s the point behind that anyway? There is no reasoning and it just makes you look like a child. We’re adults now and there is an adult and mature way to handle situations. Revenge isn’t one of them nor a recommended one. Suddenly you are both liars. There is nothing to gain from this behavior.

Do be patient. Talk to this person calmly and find out why they felt the need to lie to you. Where does this lie come from? Is it from a fear or insecurity? If it is not their normal behavior, then clearly something is up. Assure them that they don’t need to lie about anything and everything has a resolve. Help them to understand that telling the truth is just so much better.

Do forgive. Oh yes, this is a hard one but it is necessary. Forgiveness will set you free from the hurt and anger you feel towards this person for the lie. Maybe you won’t ever know the reason they lied to you and feel the need to lie to you all the time. Just forgive them and let them go. If this person has a habit of lying to you all the time, maybe it’s time to start distancing yourself from him.

Do step back. Re-group and evaluate your relationship with this person. Is this lying a constant thing? Maybe it’s time to get rid of him. Release him from your life so you can make room for something better. It’s hard to be in the company of someone who lies to you all the time. There is no trust, and where there is no trust, there is no love, security or friendship. It may be time to let go.

Don’t hold a grudge. Holding a grudge will only hurt you, not them. It’s like a quote: “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. They won’t, but your spirit and your soul will. Grudges are not healthy emotionally or physically. When you fill your mind and heart with anger like that, you are taking up room where there could be love and happiness.

Do cry and be angry, but don’t hang on to it. It’s okay to let your feelings and emotions out about this latest lie, just don’t stay there too long. Definitely don’t hold it in and pretend you didn’t notice. This will brew and boil inside of you, sort of like a grudge and resentment. Write a truth letter to this person and let them know how this made you feel. Get it all out and then destroy the letter. This will definitely make you feel better. Trust me.

Do you have any tips or tricks on how to appropriately handle someone who has just lied to you? It’s never fun and it’s never easy to deal with but it can be handled effectively and maturely. (www.stevenaitchison.co.uk)