One evening while I was engrossed reading a book in a restaurant, someone hugged me tightly and kissed me. It was the wife of a relative whom I haven’t seen for years. I asked her whether she missed her children (they live with with their father abroad after the separation). With a smile, she curtly replied, “Not really. I know they are doing very well with their father.” Actually she never contacted her children for years. This was a little bit surprising to me.
I called my relative and told him about seeing his ex wife. He asked whether she mentioned of finding a way to contact her children after all these years. I said, “No. Maybe, she practiced detachment. Because attachment can cause suffering while detachment can lead to liberation.” He just heaved a sigh!
The “elephant journal website,” states, “Detachment plays an imperative role in building a healthy and harmonious relationship with ourselves and with others. Detachment is not about withdrawing. It simply means seeing things from a different perspective, while remaining involved. It’s about releasing our need for the object of attachment. We still give it our all, but without being entangled in fear and anxiety.”
How do we practice detachment? Here are some ways as suggested by our source:
Detachment from material goals. There are just too many people who are too attached to the things they own and too addicted to buying and hoarding more and more things without asking this one simple question, “Is it important enough?” When you detach yourself from the compulsion of owning things just for the sake of owning them you begin to experience real freedom and joy from things that really matter.
Detachment in relationships. Most people struggle the most with this aspect of detachment and it’s only natural. Most of us misunderstand love to be all about really holding on to the other person, trying to fix them and taking care of them in all ways possible, even if it comes at the cost of neglecting your own well being. It gets even worse when we let our lives revolved around certain relationships. It might be relationships with your parents, with your spouse, with your best friends or anyone else who has a big influence in your life. As Kahlil Gibran said, “..But let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love; Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”
Detachment from your experiences. Life is meant to be lived and to not to be over-analyzed. Yet, more often than not we find ourselves stuck in our head recounting experiences, mostly unpleasant ones over and over again until they bring us down. When something bad happens, feel free to feel the pain, grieve and let go. Only through acceptance, you can free yourself from the weight and detach yourself from it.
Detachment from your work. Detachment from work means that when you leave your workplace you leave your work related worries there. Step back, relax, and just be in the moment wherever you are.