My dad is a good man

(1st of 2 parts)

Today please allow me to share with you a eulogy written by Nicole Sytin, daughter of murdered businessman Dominic Sytin, because she presents a different perspective about parents who are labelled absentee or lacking quantity time with their family. I hope this two-part piece will make people better appreciate the other side of things.

My dad is a good man. I speak in the present tense because this is and this should be how he will always be remembered. He is someone who seizes every opportunity, turns it into something great, and he is also someone who never thinks twice about making sacrifices for others. We already know and hear about all the rocks that he turns into diamonds and about how successful he is, so I will tell you more about his unconditional kindness.

Daddy is a giver who never expects anything in return, and the love he gives his family is the definition of unconditional love. Whenever I look back at all the times he had lectured me and my siblings, not once did he make us count how much he’s given us. Not once did he place any amount on how much we owed him. He made everything as easy as possible for us, and that is a privilege that I’ve never taken for granted. It’s not easy to keep giving when you don’t always receive the same kindness in return, but my dad always chooses to give as much as he can anyway.

In fact, he gives more than what is asked for. Whenever he flies to Japan, I ask for a bottle of face wash and he comes back with two liters. We would ask for a pack of ramen, he would come back with a box. Mommy would ask for a few handwarmers, and he would come back with a truckload. Even when we ask for nothing, he would give us everything and more.

Growing up, I remember a lot of comments made about how most fathers, being breadwinners of their families, would partially or completely fail at fatherhood because of how much time they spent at work. Even in movies, working dads were scolded for working too much because they’re told that time spent with family is more important, more valuable. In many ways, it felt like the right thing to do was to harbor resentment over the time daddy spent at work instead of with us. But I never ever resented him for that. It never felt right for me to hold that against him. Although he worked long hours, and although I would miss him when he was not at home, instead of resenting him, I admired him even more. Unfortunately, being the family man that he is, he believed that he has “failed miserably.” These were the very words he used when I interviewed him for a short essay I had to write in college about motivations at work. I wish now that I had pushed back when he said this. And I wish I had sent him the essay that I ended up writing about him because I meant every word.

To share with you what I wrote, I said: “As I think about how many parents today strive to work extended hours just to earn a bit more than average, I think it is unfair to conclude that my dad has failed at being a good father just because he has spent so much time at work. If anything, his sacrifices, including giving up family time which is very valuable to him, show exactly what a good man he is.”

“He believes that spending so much time at work has caused his family to harbor some resentment toward him, but he works hard anyway. He thinks that spending late nights in the office and going away for business trips instead of attending parent-teacher conferences will mark him as a bad father, but he chooses to do so anyway. He may think that his choices are unavoidable mistakes, but I do not view his choices as mistakes, but as some of the greatest sacrifices any parent can make. The way I see it, he chose to give up the label of being what society dictates is a “good father” because he wants his family to live a comfortable life that he never got to experience when he was younger, at the expense of his desire to spend more time with his family.” And that makes him a good father.

Daddy is 100 percent the ultimate family man. I know that being successful at work gives him joy, but I know that the only reason he loves success is because that is what makes things easier and more comfortable for his family and everyone else he takes care of. I know that he enjoys his work, but only because his work is able to provide for us. Everything he does, and everything he strives for, all ties back to us – his family. Everything he earned, he shared. This is how I know that there is nothing else in the world that he loves more than spending quality time with family. But he knew that he would have to give up a portion of the quality time that he loved so dearly in order to give us everything and more. In the end, that is the greatest sacrifice he could ever give us.

(To be continued)

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