Discretion

That's truth set in charity, something that we always need to aim at and live as much as possible, especially now when communication has practically gone ballistic. Without discretion we can be talking and writing volumes, even get into information overload with impressive style and eloquence, but still fail to hit the truth. And instead of generating constructive charity, we breed division, alienation, destruction.

St. Paul already told us about this. "Speaking in truth in love," he said, "we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ…" (Eph 4,15) We have to be quick to see and appreciate the vital connection between speaking the truth in love and growing into Christ.

These pairs cannot be separated-the couple of truth and charity, as well as that of truth and charity on the one hand and Christ on the other. Focusing on one without the other would prove both parties false and dangerous.

We have to understand what discretion truly entails. It's not just about being quiet, and staying away from some controversies and issues. It's not meant to be a passive or merely reactive virtue. It can be very pro-active. It can take a lot of initiatives.

It can happen that both truth and charity may demand that we talk and defend a certain point even at the cost of being unpopular and hated. And when certain truths that are absolutely necessary to be known by all are hidden or distorted, discretion precisely would dictate that we bring them out into the open vigorously. As St. Paul would say, "to preach the word in season and out of season." (2 Tim 4,2)

Discretion is a matter of knowing what to say and what not, and when to say something and when not. It is a capacity that does not depend alone on what we see and hear, nor how we feel. It does not even depend solely on what we understand, no matter how brilliant our understanding of things may be.

Discretion needs a deeper and firmer foundation. And this is nothing other than a vital and intimate relationship with Christ who clearly told us that he is "the way, the truth and the life."

Without this footing, we would be at the mercy of our senses and feelings alone, that can only capture so much of reality, usually the externals only, and are easily prone to fall into distortions and the blinding colors of our personal and social biases, preferences and malice. Without this footing, we would be in a roller-coaster ride of our reasoning, not knowing exactly where or how to end.

That's why we can have a proliferation of gossips, often totally baseless and ridiculous as well as harmful and destructive. Opinions become dogmas, and usually editorialized or presented as news report. Positions that only have relative value or affect only some individuals are absolutized and presented as good and necessary for everyone.

There are views that even the faintest of common sense can already detect as shameless spins. Commentators, who paint themselves as fair and objective, use facts and data to serve particular interests rather than the common good. That's called cherry picking.

All kinds of fallacies, non-sequiturs and outright bashing and fault-finding are not spared. Flatteries, tendentious surveys, sensationalism are often employed.

And many other diversionary and deceptive tactics are used by the so-called spin doctors. If you want to get into a minefield of all these shenanigans, you read political commentaries.

We need to remind ourselves about the necessity of discretion in our life and to learn the pertinent art. We have to distinguish, for example, between what is a matter of faith and morals that should be held absolute, and a matter of opinion that at best can only have relative value.

No matter how strongly we feel about them, there is no excuse in being disagreeable when upholding and defending our position. We can be forceful and yet continue to be charitable, delicate and refined. For this, we also need to know about human psychology.

Even in our sharpest disputes, we can and should remain courteous. And when one party is clearly defeated in an argument, he should not feel bad, while the other should be magnanimous.

Discretion is a manifestation of maturity, of our vital union with God, a proof that we have mastered our thoughts, emotions and our tongue, and have put them at the instance of our faith, hope and charity.

A lot of practice is needed to gain this virtue, very crucial in our times.

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