MANILA, Philippines - Know the type. Be choosy! Understand just who you are dealing with, so you don’t wind up disappointed.
How many frogs have I kissed this year, I think to myself, as I shake off the sand from my weekend luggage. Not a lot, actually. So, points for purity. But it might not bode well, either, if my tan lasts longer than a man.
Call me short-fused, but there’s something about a bad romance that is just so… good: the sounds (waves crashing), the fury (lighthouses flashing), that mantle of mystery by virtue of everything being So. Damn. New. Short-lived romances stay mythical because they never have the chance to fizzle out. They will always remain in that rosy realm of possibility, where your partner does not get the opportunity to turn you off. It’s like finding a new spot, when the local eye-talian café and ristorante you truly loved just won’t serve you anymore. It’s best to learn how not to crash and burn, though. So, keep your tray tables stowed and tuck this into the seat back in front of you.
Rule number one: Don’t move that flight. Never extend the vacation. My good friend in fun and games, S. Lee, tells me that when you meet someone when you’re out for the night, the only thing you owe each other is to have a good time. This is especially true if you’re out of town. Anything beyond the venue, and that very weevening (wee hours following an evening), and you are already making an investment. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing (contrary to popular belief, we do not live for the short-lived), but if you make that much of a cash-down, then you’re also putting a lot of pressure on the newly formed union, which is exactly what can make it fail.
Pursuant to the first rule: No theme songs. Never share your hard-won indie playlist with a girl or guy you just met. They might just leak the track to their next insignificant other, or worse, make it their ring tone. And when the song comes on, you’ll forever remember The One That Got Away (hopefully, that wasn’t the song…). (In the same way, never store text messages so you can go back to them. Always delete — a watched thread on your iPhone never moves.) You are just setting yourself up to be reminded of him or her. Please. Do not ruin a perfectly good song.
Know the type. Be choosy, bro! Understand just who you are dealing with, so you don’t wind up disappointed. As a general rule, pro athletes are not keepers. Neither are rock stars. It’s not their fault that they’re constantly surrounded by screaming fans, or groupies. On the boys’ end, girls with seemingly committal markers, like rose tattoos, or put-the-Asian-in-Caucasian hair colors, are actually the fun girls! They are marked permanently or semi-permanently by things that are done on a whim.
Set an alarm. Whether it’s the end of the month, or the summer, you need to wake up from the dream. It’s not about setting a deadline to end things, but about giving yourself the chance to step out of the dream state, and see where this is going in real terms. If you’re feeling all existential, plant your totems: your peg for your future spouse, a daytime date outside the exotic place where you first met, or a laundry list of things you might potentially find annoying. Outside the initial circumstances of meeting, you kind of get a better glimpse into just who this person is in broad daylight. Give yourself reasons to snap out of it.
Finally, see it through. Just as you should never put the pressure on a summer love to stretch it out into a long-term relationship, you should also never force the brakes on it to confine it to a short-term fling. This might seem like a counterintuitive strategy, especially in light of number four, but it also actually works. Basically, it’s about keeping things relaxed, while at the same time, not whipping out an artificial stopper. It’s like when I’d read choose-your-own-adventure books, but then I’d cheat, as a child: dog-earing the pages where I had to make a decision, and then just going back when I wasn’t feeling the ending I got; samurai-solitaire style. ‘Cause if you’ve ever been, romance is a pretty nice place to visit, and I actually recommend living there. Don’t do everything in your power to force the pages shut. That way, you live with no regrets.