Homework, the comedies and tragedies revolving around it

Before their formal schooling, the fours and fives would march off to their new kindergarten schools half-anxious and half-excited. In preparation for this event, many working mothers take a one-week leave, at least.

One effective encouragement to give to ease the separation of parents and small children is, “While papa and mama go to the office, this time YOU have your own office. Like them, you have your uniform, your ‘office’ bag and even snacks!”

The year before Grade I, the so called “prep class” or pre-grade school class, the sixes are given very simple assignments to get them used to the discipline of homework required in the formal elementary school. This is a wise move.

Grade school homework,a personal responsibility

Many classroom comedies and tragedies revolve around homework. Children learn to lie about homework, copy it from friends, “lose” it or “forget” it at home. Home assignments are necessary to provide children drills for various lessons. The cooperation of the whole family is sometimes needed for some special projects like interviewing grandparents or discussing family hobbies or businesses.

This message should be conveyed instead to him, “Homework is for you what work is for us — a personal responsibility.”

What is the main value of homework? It provides the child the experience to work on his own. It allows him the freedom to organize the time, the tools and duration of his work. Thus, a parent’s reminder, nagging and constant urging would wash away the principal benefits of homework.

Parents must avoid an over active role

Many parents are anxious to help their child with his assignments. Many more hire tutors who practically do the child’s homework. These are the dangers of this kind of help. First, it may convey to the child, “On your own, you are helpless.”

The best help parents can give is indirect, that is, to condition his work environment: a fixed room (for example, the library) in the house where he has a good working table with good lighting and ventilation. This must be away from telephones, television, component sets, and even distracting house decors. Good study habits can only be acquired when the child studies at a fixed time at the fixed place of study everyday until it becomes second nature to him.

Self-help tools range from dictionaries, thesaurus, encyclopedias, books of poetry, quotes, etc. Interruptions by errands, conversations or criticisms are taboo. Avoid comments on behavior (like “Stop chewing your pencil… scratching… rocking the chair.”) which interferes with mental work.

Helpful ways to deal with homeworks

The following anecdotes describe helpful ways of dealing with homework:

1. A formal accounting. A child who fails to bring his assignment must write a formal note stating what was not done and when it will be in. No “why” questions are asked. Take for granted he has reasons. Thus, he will not be forced to make up excuses or lies.

When the homework is made up, the letter is returned to the child. Evidence of his diligence or deficiency is recorded by the child himself.

2. Respect for autonomy. When parents become passionately involved with homework and grades, a child may rebel and sink to the bottom of his class. Nagging and checking interfere with his autonomy. Failing becomes a symbol of independence. As one child said, “My parents can take away my allowance, my TV set, but they can’t take away my failing grades.”

3. Appeal to pride. A letter from the teacher complained that Jimmy, age 12, was behind his studies. His father’s first reaction was to give him a verbal thrashing. “No movies. No TV. No more visits of friends. We have never had illiterates in the family and you are not going to be the first.”

This message has been repeated every so often, resulting in an angry atmosphere. The increased pressure only heightened Jimmy’s resistance. He became an expert in evasion and concealment.

This time, Father avoided the threats. Instead, he appealed to his pride. “Son, we do expect scholarship from you. The world needs capable people. There are still so many problems that need solutions.”

Jimmy was surprised at his father’s words and tone of voice. He said, “I promise to take my work more seriously.”

High school emotional support

4. Emotional Support. Erwin, age 14, was reading a scientific journal in preparation for a school report.

Erwin: This is confusing. I can’t make head or tail out of it. How does the teacher expect me to write a report when I can’t understand this?

Father: I see you have become aware how difficult it is to grasp scientific writing. It’s often written unclearly.

Erwin: That’s right. The scientist should learn how to present facts straight.

Erwin reread the article and then wrote his report. The helping ingredient was his father’s emotional support. He avoided criticism and advice like, “You are always complaining. If you read it carefully, you would understand….” Instead, father complemented his son for his power of observation.

5. Power of acknowledgment. Nicole a freshman high school student, stormed out of her room yelling, “It’s unfair! My Math teacher gave 20 algebraic equations to solve. I have been working over them for two hours. I’m not doing it any more.”

What started as a war cry was turned into a peace talk by Nicole’s mother. She did not argue with her. She listened and acknowledged her predicament: “Oh-h-h! Twenty algebraic equations. It sounds so difficult. It can be grueling and tedious!”

With this sympathetic acknowledgment, the ranting and raving stopped. “Look ma, it’s not that bad.” She returned to her room and finished the work.

When the child is failing

When the child is failing in any subject, prevent yourself from reciting a destructive catalogue of all his “failings.” (“You never read a book,” You watch too much TV,” “You are always on the telephone.”) Parents should learn that in crises, it is best to help rather than preach.

When you receive several unsatisfactory grades on your child’s report card, be compassionate. Know that when someone is drowning, it is not the right time to teach swimming. Say instead, “It makes us feel disappointed and discouraged, too.” (Otherwise, the parents’ tendency is to negate the child’s feelings and not credit the child for caring for her school work).

But if you challenge him, “It seems so complicated and difficult, almost incomprehensible.” He is likely to answer, “Not for me. I am good in Arithmetic…”

On other occasions, try telling him, “I wish you didn’t have so much work. I wish your evenings were free for enjoyment, reading a novel, watching TV.” He would answer, “That would be nice. But I have lots of work. I want to keep my 90s in Math and Science.”

Parents remain in the background to give support

When your child’s enormous amount of homework makes him angry to the point of hating his teacher and school, see his helpless point of view and say, “You have to do a tremendous amount of work.” Later, he is likely to thank you. What for? Such a child answered his mother, “You helped me because you didn’t make me madder than I was.”

Remaining in the background, parents can give comfort and support rather than voluntary instruction and active assistance. Occasionally, they may clarify a point. Their help is given sparingly but sympathetically. They listen rather than lecture. They show the road but expect the child to reach his destination on his own.