Words

There’s a line from a poem that I read a while back that has always stayed with me: “And what are words? – Initials of my soul.” I can’t remember though which poet it was that wrote it.

I think I’ve always loved words. I loved learning to read. I love listening to stories. I love sharing stories. My fondest memories of people I love are not about special events or experiences, they’re mostly about conversations. Even when I was growing up, I would keep notes, letters and greeting cards more than I kept gifts. There are shelves in my room filled with books that’s a testament to my great love for words. I still get thrilled when I receive posted mail (that doesn’t include bills). And I enjoy writing letters and notes. I’m still clinging on to the hope that heaven will have a copy of every beautiful story ever written and I will have eternity to read it.

I’ve always believed that words are powerful. They have the power to heal and build up, to inspire and uplift. And the opposite is true, too. Words can have the power to hurt and tear down, to belittle and demean. Over the years that I’ve been working with teenagers, I’ve come to see how saying “I love you” out loud makes such a difference. It took me a while to realize that verbal expressions of love that are so common in my family were not so common for others. Oh, it’s true, love needs to be proven in actions. But it first needs to be said aloud before the other person can understand what the actions are trying to prove.

Even in prayer, I hold on to words. There are moments when our prayers are “sighs too deep for words.” But most of the time, our words to God, our conversations with him, allow us say aloud for ourselves the things that are in our hearts. There are many moments when until I verbalize what I need, I don’t even really know what I’m praying for. And when the words are finally out, then I can confront the situation and make peace with it.

Ironically, the hardest words to say are also the simplest – the ones that we’ve been taught as children: “Thank you” – for often times, expressing gratitude makes us feel unworthy of the great gifts we’ve received  especially when there’s nothing we can give back; “I’m sorry” –  because it’s a lot easier to find fault in others than it is to admit our mistakes; “Please” – because asking someone for a favor might mean being turned down or being seen as weak; “I forgive you” – because the ones we love the most are often the ones who hurt us the most. And then, of course, there’s “I love you” – because loving makes us vulnerable and often demands heroic things of us.

In this day and age, there are so many ways to express ourselves and to say aloud the things that we need to. But there are so many ways, too, to say many things without really meaning them and so many ways to reach a large audience except people we need to be talking to. Now is a good a time as any to assess the words we’ve said and left unsaid to the people who matter most.