Manners in Marriage

A happy marriage cannot be taken for granted. Neither does it happen overnight. It requires giving from both sides. The couple needs to be mindful that even small things can make a huge difference to the relationship.

Whether husbands can ever understand their own wives usually generates lively discussions. Perhaps it is impossible for many husbands to understand everything about their wives, and it is equally true that even if they are relatively uncomplicated, they are never completely understood by the women they've married. But both spouses can try to find the broadest possible area of agreement. Each must recognize that there are habits, traits, prejudices, ambitions and sentiments in the other that need to be accepted or made allowance for.

In all things the husband should consider himself a partner in the home, not its ruler, he and his wife sharing responsibility in the management of the family resources. He should give his wife some portion of their income for her own use, without any strings attached, just as he keeps some funds to use at his own discretion without having to account for them.

Even in physical things such as manners, appearance or behavior he must remember that it is no longer he alone who is answerable for them. Society holds a wife accountable to a large extent for the presence or lack of agreeable attributes in a husband. If his manners are crude, she is expected to correct them, one way or the other, to help him get ahead. If his clothes are ill-kempt, and shabby, the fact is usually attributed to his wife's negligence or lack of thrift.

Of importance is establishing the couple's own rituals. They need to set aside time to be together. This is especially important if both partners are working. This time can be spent pursuing a hobby together, deciding matters regarding finances, or simply taking time to enjoy each other's company. The spouses shall show interest in each other's hobbies.

There of a number of annoying habits that are common in the couple's day-to-day life, but which can also be easily corrected:

.           Do you put the cap back on the tooth paste?

.           Do you smoke in bed?

.           Do you bite your nails or pull fingers out of joint?

(these are usually habits carried over from childhood and can be a sign of emotional disturbance)

.           Do you correct or interrupt a spouse when he/she is talking?

.           Do you show boredom during a party you both agreed to attend?

.           Do you get rowdy or drunk in the company of other people?

All these things can be adjusted between two people desirous of living happily and fully together, if discussed in a friendly way. It is better to run the risk of a little immediate acrimony by bringing the matter up when it first annoys than to let the irritation fester over months or years of married life. There must always be a comfortable balance in marriage, with each partner giving and being given due friendly consideration.

Lastly, each spouse shall make a commitment with himself or herself.  A good start is to be more polite and less demanding, more considerate and less obnoxious, more generous and less hurtful, more attentive and less distracted, more thankful and less selfish. When a spouse treats the other with positive regard, the two of them soon begin to feel better about themselves and about their marriage. Positive regard communicates acceptance, respect and honor.