Monkey See, Monkey Do

Right off  the bat let me say this:  I have every respect for all primates and I do not hate two-wheeled vehicles.  In fact, I grew up riding a bike.  From our home in the biggest barangay of the main city to the naked college, I pedalled my way to class every day. Back then, I was already a tree-hugger and two-wheeled enthusiast.  So, when someone asked me what I had against scooters and mopeds and why I was lambasting them in every other article, I told them this: I have nothing against scooters and mopeds.  I do, however, have a beef with every single simian given a license to pilot these beautiful two-wheeled mechanical wonders. 

Now do take note, I did not say that all those who drive scooters and mopeds are primates.  I am referring to the baboons who managed to get themselves a driver’s license.  I don’t know about you, but if I were working in the licensing office, I would initiate a revamp of the process to obtain a motorist’s license if a chimp could easily obtain one. 

No offense meant to the primates, as I know they are pretty smart creatures.  In fact, they are smarter than many moped and scooter drivers.  So why use them as reference?  Simple, what monkey’s do, lesser intellect creatures follow.  As we are all aware, these primates are not familiar with road rules and regulations.  So if they drive against the flow of traffic, weave in and out of different lanes, turn into no turn corners and such, it is understandable.  They are simians after all.  And those wannabe simians who have motorists’ licenses simply ape the actions of the smarter primates.  And from there, things get worse.

Apparently, there is a law that protects these simple-minded buffoons from all the havoc they create.  Everywhere you go, there is always someone saying that in the event of a collision between any two-wheeled vehicle versus a four or more-wheeled vehicle, the two-wheeled vehicle always wins.  Regardless of who caused the collision, the four or more-wheeled vehicle will always be at fault.  I don’t know about you, but I have yet to see this law in print.  The traffic and law enforcers seem to think this law exists.  I presume one enforcer said so and everyone else followed.  I would’ve thought this a ridiculous notion until I realized that many of our enforcers drive scooters and mopeds.  I leave it to you to draw a conclusion regarding the popularization and propagation of this ludicrous and non-existent law.

If someone out there can prove me wrong and actually quote the law which says two wheels always wins over four or more, I would greatly welcome it.  But what I would welcome more would be a legislator who would have the logical sense to actually draft a law that will lay down what is right and punish those who actually cause the collision.  If the recklessness of a two-wheel driving orangutan causes a traffic collision, then punish the simian.  It is not the fault of a law abiding four-wheel driving human to be there when the primate goes bananas.

However, I can fully understand if no lawmaker would tackle this issue.  Blood is thicker than water.  Just like the non-existent rule, a troop of baboons has been also referred to as a…?