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Are We There Yet? Keep kids on a leash

Back Seat Driver (The Freeman) - October 20, 2014 - 12:00am

CEBU, Philippines - Before you draw a conclusion and dial 163, please understand I am not talking about human children.  A few days ago, as I was heading to a job site on Diaper Island, I happen to pass through a neighborhood that time forgot.  There was a cow squatting on one lane while goats were freely roaming around every bend and every corner.  Unlike dogs, who usually scamper away or hesitate to cross when motor vehicles cross their path, goats cross whenever the like.  Somehow, their disregard for personal safety when crossing the street reminds me of students from a university near a skywalk.

It is bad enough that many of the side streets on Diaper Island have no sidewalks and you have to give human pedestrians enough berth to make sure you don’t run them over, having to deal with livestock that aren’t tied down and kept away from the road is utterly ludicrous.  I bet, even advocates of this share-the-road program we keep hearing about, will say that this is too much.

Seriously though, legislators on Diaper Island should draft ordinances that will fine livestock owners for freely letting their herd wander onto the roads.  There are already too many hazards that one encounters when driving these roads, adding gung-ho livestock onto the list will make things so much worse.  But then again, what else should we expect from a reactive government.  We have already gotten used to waiting for something bad to happen in a spectacular manner before these so-called public servants do something.  Heaven-forbid, they’re probably waiting for a helmetless, reckless scooter driver lose control of his vehicle trying to avoid a crossing goat, swerve onto one of the many colorum school buses, who veers sharply right and manages to avoid the wayward scooter, only to end up running over the goat anyway.  But that will probably go unnoticed, unless one of the children inside the colorum bus would happen to be related to a city legislator.  Then and only then will this responsible public servant be spurred into action.

I wouldn’t be surprised, however, if no such action will be undertaken by Diaper Island’s legislators.  You see, traffic regulations on this island are merely suggestions and are not the law.  From public vehicles stopping on No Stopping Anytime zones, to vehicles turning on No Turn zones, all of which usually happen right in front of traffic enforcers, one cannot but possibly draw a conclusion that traffic laws on Diaper Island are, indeed, nothing but suggestions.

If any public servant from Diaper Island would dare to dispute this claim, I have only to point out the “Left Lane Must Turn Left” signage on the concrete road island that divides the lane of the road perpendicular to the old bridge.  If it is “a must,” then why are many vehicles on the left lane allowed to go straight and not turn left up towards the bridge?

It would be a sad day for all motorists if there would actually be a law or traffic enforcer who would argue.  It would only mean one of two things: either these guys are in the wrong job, or they are so grammatically inept that it speaks volumes of the type of people Diaper Island consider to be qualified for the job.  Let us allow the powers-that-be of Diaper Island to ponder over these while enjoying a serving of delectable “caldereta.”  Hopefully, the meat wasn’t from some goat that was run over.

backseatdriver_ph@yahoo.com

DIAPER DIAPER ISLAND HAPPEN ISLAND LANE LEFT LANE MUST TURN LEFT NO STOPPING ANYTIME NO TURN ONE
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