Filipino generosity

One of the nice things about living or travelling abroad is you get to meet “kababayans” and you get to see for yourself what is good in an overseas Filipino – his or her kindness, sociability, and well-meaning attitude, among other things.  Conversely, you get to see what is good in the Philippines, things you oftentimes take for granted while living in our country only to appreciate them more when we no longer experience or find such in another.

Take the case of riding public transportation.  While I was studying in the United States and then in the United Kingdom, a classmate or even a friend never bothered to pay for my fare every time we got on board the bus.  Not that I expected him or her to do so but only because I was used to something exactly the opposite in our country.  And during the times I volunteered to pay, he or she would always look surprised and politely refuse my offer.

When I was in the Philippines, any “barkada” of mine and I would race to pay the jeepney driver for the other person’s fare.  Oftentimes, this involved some arm-grabbing to prevent the less insistent friend to reach for the driver (or the fellow passenger who sat near the front).  And it was always a riot when there were three or more of us.  I remember with a smile those times when the jeep was pretty much vacant so each one of us would hurry to board it first and sit closest to the driver to readily give him the money for everyone’s fare.

Also as a student in the University of the Philippines, any classmate or friend of mine would always offer to pay for my fare.  Particularly in an “Ikot” jeep (the one that goes around the campus) when someone I know – be it a classmate, friend, or just an acquaintance – coincidentally took a ride while I happened to be inside, he or she would ask if I had already paid.  And if I happened to board it and I see someone I know already in it, I was the one who did the asking (and the paying in case he or she hadn’t).

Another example of what is different in the Philippines is eating out with friends and colleagues.  While working in foreign countries and finding a place to dine after office hours, I was initially taken aback by the fact that everybody paid for his or her own meal.  Whenever I went out with my American and European colleagues to a restaurant or merely a bar, everybody would always ask the waiter for a separate bill to avoid the problem of proportionately splitting it.  When simply dining with a friend, it was all the time unspoken that we both went Dutch.

Such was not the case when I worked in the Philippines.  My officemates and I would eat out every now and again and we would take turns paying for everyone’s meal regardless of how much each person actually ordered.  The same thing went when I dined with a friend or a group of friends.  And I happily recall the first few times when everybody would argue who should pay the round first (but it was normally the one who had the highest salary).  The most important thing was that we all had good food and great company – not that someone paid more than what he or she had eaten.

Aside from living abroad, travelling overseas can also open one’s eyes wider to what is distinctive about our country and our people.  While sightseeing in Lisbon, I came across a very old, three-legged woman (she held a cane), hunchbacked probably from osteoporosis, trying to cross a busy street.  She was walking really slowly and couldn’t move any faster so she would take one step forward, hesitate with the traffic, then take another step back.  All the Portuguese passers-by were doing exactly their thing – passing by, ignoring the poor woman whether consciously or subconsciously.  If this were a scene on a street in Manila, a Filipino would’ve already helped her get to the other side.  (And yeah, I took the liberty of being that Filipino).

There was also another elderly person, this time in Helsinki, who was having a hard time getting off the train with his heavy luggage.  I was on a Scandinavian trip with two of my Filipino nurse friends from Bath and my immigrant cousin from Sydney.  Except for the four of us, all the other Finnish passengers were just raring to get out of the train station, leaving him behind.  Again, something like this doesn’t happen in the Philippines.  That old man would’ve gotten out of the train by now with a Filipino carrying his luggage and accompanying him to his next means of transport – which the four of us just did.

As an aside, buses and trains in the United States and Europe have designated seats for the elderly (and disabled).  At first, I was impressed by this – that developed countries think a lot about marginalized groups of the population, legally providing old people, for example, priority seating in public transportation.  Bemused as I was that I thought disappointingly about our own government which isn’t at all concerned with their welfare.  But then I realized that there is no need for our buses to have such reserved seating because Filipinos instantly and automatically give up their own seats for any passenger “lolo” or “lola”.

After living for seven years in the developed world (and travelling to almost all of the industrialized countries), I have noticed one thing similar in their people – their marked individualism or the “it’s-none-of-your-business” mentality.  “I’m the passenger so it’s my fare.”  “It’s my meal so I pay for it.”  “I want to cross the street so I should be the one to do it.”  “It’s my luggage so I have to carry it.”  (And “I sat here first so it’s my seat.”)  Not to negatively imply anything but only to say that this is how it is.

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule.  More not than often, a thoughtful American or European friend will also pay for you in the bus and treat you out to a restaurant.  But these are things you generally won’t expect if you are not in the Philippines.  And sooner or later, someone would’ve helped that old lady cross the street and that elderly man carry his luggage.  Then again, these situations would’ve taken a bit of time – not like in the Philippines where having (as opposed to “finding”) someone help you out takes the least bit of time instead.

I guess another word to describe what it is to be Filipino, whether living there or working abroad, is “generous”.  We Filipinos are generous with our money – not thinking twice about payingfor a friend’s fare and meal.  We are also generous with our time – spending a few minutes of it to help someone, especially the elderly, with something.  (And are we generous with our seats!)  Our generosity is instant and automatic.  It is in our culture and in our value system.  I hope that it will always stay this way even when our country eventually (or make that, “hopefully”) becomes developed.