Old and wise

CEBU, Philippines - Sunday, September 13,  is National Grandparents Day. It is a day dedicated to these dear old people in everyone's life. It may as well be a time for pondering the way that society in general  treats its old. 

Today's  media is cluttered with products that promise prolonged youthfulness, whether in outward appearance or in vitality. This generation seems to be one that disdains ageing and old age. And it noticeably displays increasing disrespect for old people.

This is disturbing, given that old people have a lot to share for the young.  For example, studies have shown that children who have ongoing and consistent contact with a grandparent experience less emotional and behavioral problems. The possible reason for this is that grandparents are in the best position to view things in the right perspective because they've 'been there, done that', so to speak, and thus already have the wisdom to aid the inexperience of their young grandchildren.

Grandparents are just there, always willing to lavish young people with affection, attention and guidance when sought. Old people readily respond when talked to. They feel happy to be acknowledged and needed in their later years.

And, conversely, young children become animated and happy when given the attention of old people. That's why, in many cases, children become closer to their grandparents than they are to their own parents. Even as the children grow up, they can still benefit from the wisdom and traditions of those who lived in a different historical time.

Sad to say, the present scenario is far from ideal. Most old people today - including those within the family - are dismissed as irrelevant. Their opinions and help are no longer solicited.

A grandparent is a rich resource of life lessons - whether it is a 50-year-old new grandparent or an experienced centenarian. While it is true that younger grandparents are the best to baby-sit the little grandchildren, these grannies can actually participate in the raising of grandchildren, sharing in the parental task of guiding the little ones to become responsible adults.

According to Dr. Karl Pillemer of Cornell University, the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren is second in emotional importance only to the relationship between parent and child. Many young grandchildren even reportedly prefer discussing emotionally heavy topics with grandparents as opposed to parents, citing that grandparents are often less judgmental and offer unconditional support. This is corroborated by the findings of a recent Boston College study that "an emotionally close relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is associated with fewer symptoms of depression for both generations."

And yet, in general, today's society tends to think that grandparents - and all old people, for that matter - have already outdone their usefulness. This, despite the fact that grandparents now are more active and have more spending power than their predecessors, that more grandchildren now have grandparents still around, that more families have grandparents living at home, that more and more children are raised by their grandparents. 

Everything in life can be laughed at, but it also must be acknowledged that grandparents are crucially important figures, both to their grandchildren and adult children, and also to society as a whole.

The number of grandparents has increased alongside the extension of the human life expectancy. There are now more of these affectionate elders who can have great influence on the values and behaviors of young people. "Grandparents transmit to their grandchildren the values and norms of social order," Dr. Karl Pillemer says.

The older generations have the vast experience to enable them to adapt to new things and conditions. In fact, contrary to the myth of the doddering senior who is lost and confused in front of anything that's electric and has buttons, many grandparents have gracefully embraced the trappings of the digital age. This can be a new common ground for grandparents and grandchildren.

Who could better provide the best advice and help in raising children than someone who has already done it successfully? Grandparents put their past parenting experience to use in their interactions with grandchildren. And so, perhaps if these interactions are vigorously encouraged, young people will learn to have better regard for old people. 

As George Washington Carver puts it: "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."  (FREEMAN)