Surviving Betrayal

CEBU, Philippines - It was a dull morning. It was as though the moon stayed the sun, just rain sending ripples on puddles of water. She moved on. The unused wedding gown, the wedding rings that never got worn, the giveaways that got stacked in the corner - she sat staring at all these while staring at the downpour from her window. Just when everything was set, the boyfriend ditched the engagement. She felt betrayed. She pulled her way out of the embarrassment, out of self-pity, out of depression, out of pain, out of bitterness. She found peace that God saw through the betrayal. Her pain was God's pain. Although she had moved on one year after the failed engagement, the iniquity left a permanent scar in her life. God separated her from the error. Her separation was God's happiness.

Betrayal is an easy thing to understand. It is because betrayal is always done on self-will. When a person decides to betray the very person he or she loves, that traitor is desensitized to hurt. So desensitized that he is predisposed to do anything wrong when the conditions are right. A person who commits betrayal believes that the only right thing to do is to hurt the very person he or she loves. A person who is capable of betrayal, never looks beyond the consequences of betrayal where his betrayal can reap for him his own doom, even the doom of hell.

When Judas Iscariot betrayed the Son of God for thirty shekels of silver, he never thought about the consequences of his spiritual suicide. All he cared about was just to hurt his Master. This very man with whom Jesus the Christ nourished with spiritual food, nurtured with doctrine and the privilege of being counted a companion with the Son of God decided on self-will to betray God's love. The equivalent value of thirty shekels of silver in Philippine currency these days is about P215,000 or roughly a quarter of a million pesos . Judas apparently got disappoined with certain issues he expected the Master to do prompting him to sell him.

These days chief executives of the land betray their people for billions of pesos yet never feel any remorse of hanging themselves on a tree. So long as humanity lives in a fallen world, there will always be disappointment, there will always be betrayal. Yet it is not betrayal that is a mystery. Rather, forgiveness is the mystery.

Forgiveness in Progress.

Forgiveness is when a victim of betrayal relinquishes the right to hit back. Forgiveness is when a victim of betrayal can still love the person who betrayed him or her and take the person as he was before the betrayal. Forgiveness is not about the victim of betrayal or the one who betrayed. Forgiveness is about the Christ in the victim of betrayal. Forgiveness is about the Christ in the one who betrayed, for it is required of him to seek forgiveness from the victim as an ultimate manifestation of repentance.

When a person claims to be a Christian, when a person claims to have Jesus the Christ in her or his heart, when a person claims to be saved from the sins of the world, it is to follow the path that Christ gave when He died on the cross. Christ died for the sins of man and forgave them of those sins. Christ would have forgiven Judas only that Judas committed suicide. In comparison, Christ forgave Peter, who denied him thrice on that very moment when Jesus would have needed him most.

Any relationship is always a construction in progress. When a relationship between a man and woman fails, it may be because on self-will they did not allow the construction to take place. It may also be because it is not a relationship of God's choosing. Betrayal has unusual ways of testing and confirming a relationship of God's choosing. It is because a relationship of God's choosing is anchored on a spiritual journey of which betrayal cannot derail.

Relationship of God's Choosing.

The Bible is replete with relationships of God's choosing. There are Abraham and Sarah, Boaz and Ruth, Elkanah and Hannah, Zechariah and Elizabeth and Joseph and Mary. Notice that in a relationship of God's choosing, there is no courtship, there is no age-curve, no past-curve, no personality-curve. A relationship of God's choosing is more a spiritual journey of the love for God and less of the couple for each other. In a relationship of God's choosing, God works on the heart of the couple such that there is a dissolution of self and denial of self -- this makes it easy for the couple to meld into each other's personalities and not look at the world's standards of age or the past of each other. Because a couple sees more of God and less of themselves in a relationship of God's choosing, they see their relationship as construction in progress and sanctification in progress where God is the master builder. In a relationship of God's choosing, the couple see themselves as image-bearers of God and less of themselves. The couple hold their relationship sublime because it is one that delights God for reasonable service.

These days, people get into a relationship because they are past the age-curve, for security, for acceptance and for carnal desires. Even among Christians where the Bible clearly states for believers not to be equally yoked with unbelievers, there are many Christian men and women who get involved in relationships that end up in betrayal and paralyze either party with pain for life. Healing for victims of betrayal or those who committed betrayal especially for those who say they have Christ in their lives, is not to move on. Rather it is about a surrendered will at allowing Christ to restore goodwill as brethren. While it may not lead to reconciliation, yet it allows Christ in the construction and sanctification in progress of a Christian in his spiritual journey.

Christ has a very high calling for those believe in Him and for those who profess to have accepted Him as Savior and Friend, that calling is to be blameless on the day of the Lord's appearing. If you are victim of betrayal or committed betrayal, the day of construction is now. It is not about you, it is not about the person who committed betrayal or the betrayal itself. It is about God, of being an image-bearer of God and of having a character like Christ. In surviving betrayal, reach out.