Revelations

When I was a child, I often heard of people who stopped schooling with the reason that everything depends on destiny. But my mother would quote the biblical line, "Lihok tawo kay tabangan ko ikaw" especially when we refused to do household chores. When I reached high school, after having experienced how hard life was, I began to carve a dream. And my guiding principle would be that life is like a spinning wheel; sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down.

In high school, I excelled in both academics and extra-curricular activities. Aside from being part of the dance troupe, I was Supreme Student Council president and adjutant in CAT. I was in the top three of my class and always tapped as emcee in school events because, as my teachers said, I have good communication skills. I was a campus figure. With my sterling performance, I was confident I would shine even more in college. I remain thankful to my teachers at a public school in a small island off mainland Cebu, but I have to admit that I would later realize in college that we lagged behind in terms of standards of education.

My entry to the Communication Department of the University of San Jose-Recoletos in 1996 was never easy. Enrollment was already closed, but since I insisted on being accommodated, I had to hurdle two exams: entrance and newswriting. I passed not because I was good, but because I was very determined to take up mass communications. That initial success gave my confidence a boost. I told myself to graduate with honors. But things didn't go as planned because I was a failure in college. I never participated in class discussions after classmates started laughing at my pronunciation. I doubted my ability because the things I thought were correct in high school were all wrong in college so much so I began to question the positive comments of my high school teachers. I was even advised to shift to another course thrice, but I never gave up because I've always wanted to be in media and nowhere else. All these had me confining myself in my own world. I got grades below 80%, thus robbing me of any chance to be in the dean's list - and this became my frustration.

Nevertheless, I consoled myself by vowing to do better in the real world, convinced that in media, it's the "nose for news" that matters and not your scholastic background. This is the reason why I've been deviating from the norm. While people expected me to venture into either advertising or public relations because I am gay, I went instead to radio broadcasting. I have worked in El Nuevo Bantay Radyo for a year as city hall beat reporter, desk writer and sometimes newscaster. There, I was trained in newswriting by good people willing to teach: councilwoman Emie Mates Gabito, councilman Marlon Pacaña, barangay captain Yody Sanchez, Jun Carillo, Jess Villarba, Roel Cabañero, Carlo Logarta, Alex Bolongaita and Dennis Tabar. For all the help you extended to me when I was still a struggling neophyte, thank you very much.

As I thirst for more, even if I know I'm not good in journalism, (my grade was 2.2) I deviated from the norm again by applying for The FREEMAN in 2001. I'm actually not supposed to be here because I failed in the psychological test, but since I passed newswriting, I was taken in. Maybe that was destiny. I went against convention for the third time by becoming a police beat reporter for four years and six months to be exact. Yes, the Ryan P. Borinaga in the main news and Ryan Mark you're reading now are one and the same. Being gay, people expected me to be in the lifestyle section - but no. From 2001 up to last month, I was a hardcore journalist going after gory, bloody and violent stories. I'm proud to say I have been to the danger zones several times. Drug raids, rebel encounters, gang wars, robberies and vigilante killings - you name it. I am so thankful that I was assigned to that beat because I have learned a lot especially in pursuing the smallest details and conducting interviews. In that beat I've developed my directness and frankness that are now helpful in dealing with the stars.

It's also in that beat that I came across very good people who were so kind to share even the confidential details of a certain story. Allow me to say thank you very much to Retired Police Gen. Robert Delfin, Police Director Gen. Avelino Razon, Chief/Supt Ronald Roderos, Supts. Melvin Gayotin, Paul Labra, Louie Oppus, Mariano Natuel and Anthony Obenza. My heartfelt thanks to Chief/Inspectors Rex Derilo, Arnel Banzon, Jonathan Abella, Marlou Martinez, Juanito Enguerra and Alexis Relado; Senior Inspector Bienvenido Premne, and Inspectors Mario Monilar, Ambrosio Ibones and George Ylanan. There are actually so many police officials I'd like to thank, yet I'm lacking in space. So, allow me to just say God bless to all of you men and women in the PNP. I'm leaving that beat with mixed emotions of happiness and sadness. Sad, because I have come to love that beat so much that I did not want to be re-assigned. I'm happy because I know that no matter what happens, the friendships I've made would stay. I'm glad too because I'm leaving with the knowledge that, based on my own expectations and standards, I had proven that being gay is not a bane, but a great asset in this beat.

Maybe you're wondering why I'm telling you all these things. I have to because from now on, I'll be going after the hottest stories in the entertainment world full blast. God has been very good to me. Last December 15, Sir Miguel Belmonte, president & CEO of STAR Group of Publications, asked me if I was interested to be entertainment editor of The FREEMAN's sister publication, Banat News and I said yes. So, effective January 1, if you have the chance to browse through the pages of Banat, you could see that the entertainment section is now termed HUGYAW - artista, istorya ug kalingawan. Seeing my name as editor humbles me a lot because as I've been telling from the start, I'm not an exceptional writer. To be editor was never part of my dreams too. Maybe our general manager Sir Melandro "Bhoy" Mendoza, who recommended me to the position, sees something in me deserving of the position. So, I'm very much honored. With such position comes the responsibility of guaranteeing my feet are solidly planted on the ground. With the help of God, I hope I'd do well to beat my own expectations.

I've also related to you my struggles and humble beginnings because to be honest, I'm deeply hurt at the moment. A friend, through a text message, accused me of having developed an "attitude" to the point of being swellheaded. She even said it's not only her who noticed such attitude, but some of my friends too. For me that is so unfair and I can't accept that. She even told me not to use the name of God in defending myself. Why not when I'm very much aware that all I have now are all God-given? This is not permanent because everything would just disappear if God wants it too. How I started would always serve as reminder of who and what I was. Thus, I have no reason to be boastful because in the reality, I'm nothing but a mere creation of God who could lose everything in just a wink of an eye. I feel I'm just misunderstood because of my aggressiveness and drive in performing my job. Yet, if people insist on painting a bad impression on me, I would not dignify it anymore. What matters to me is that I'm so blessed that all I need to do is to give my best in avoiding to be lost in the labyrinth of temptations and sins like in the past. Happy New Year to all of us! Let us hope for a HUGYAW 2006.

React at [email protected], text to 0919-3194947 or check me out at ryanmark.blogspot.com.