Death and tragedy

Death and Tragedy gives man a refreshing clarity and perspective.

Last Wednesday evening at around 7 pm, my dear friend Dominic Sytin founder of the hugely successful United Auctioneers Inc, who has been like a brother, was gunned down in front of a hotel inside SBMA. Since that evening, I have journeyed with his family, his brothers and their families through the horror and painful process involved in laying a loved one to rest, dealing with the police as well as grieving alongside his many friends and thousands of employees. Over the years, I have pretty much stayed on the sidelines watching Dominic and his brothers grow their companies and investments and only stepped in when there was a serious challenge or difficulty to overcome. But there is no overcoming death; that is beyond our control. Death is disruptive, brings things to an abrupt halt and certainly disorienting. But in the quieter moments, “death” kindly gives us perspective on who and what matters most. It also places an invisible mirror to our faces that challenges our plans, ideas, dreams as well as our hurts, personal issues and pain. You quickly realize that your hurts are nothing compared to the widow and certainly nothing compared to the pain, fear and loss of the orphaned children.

Through the days of grieving, I listened and heard about different plans of different people in Dominic’s circle; some had business plans, others had made personal decisions prior, there were good plans as well as sad and difficult plans. I heard of hurts, regrets and missed opportunities to spend time with Dominic, to express love and appreciation, to reconcile differences, or tell truths that Dominic needed to hear. I listened to peoples’ fears, anxiety and a sense of uncertainty about their future now that the father figure is gone. But I also heard words and saw acts of kindness, reconciliation, and efforts to reach out or to show compassion with those left behind. Suddenly no one was talking about shares of stocks or where to invest. No one was talking about CAPEX, fast cars, not even politics. They were talking about school days, group dates, how Ann and Dominic met, how the brothers would end up annoying each other on family trips, and the many, many good times everyone had when there was less in the pocket and life was lived as a family, with friends and not an extend family of corporations and stakeholders. They were talking about lives touched, generosity extended, about foundations to support sports programs and educational scholarships. They were all re-discovering the importance and need for spirituality and prayers that had often been put aside if not forgotten because of strategies and business appointments. Every outburst of grief and tears were followed by comforting words and prayers. They also talked about bringing back focus on their families; something Dominic always talked about and sometimes lamented about.

We all had plans; plans to travel, plans for Christmas parties of several companies, the annual pre-New Year bingo, plans for family re-unions, plans to relocate, plans to resign from jobs by 2019, plans to start up a business or company, plans to move away or move on. But Dominic’s death put all of that on hold. Suddenly, our earthly concerns, aspirations, pride and hurts seemed petty or insignificant. Dominic did not have to die to give us perspective, it was simply the consequence. Life gives us all the “maybe’s”, death ends our plans with a “period.”

Since then many friends and family members now have to cancel, postpone, stop or forget about their plans. If the death of Dominic gave us perspective, it is, day by day giving us clarity. Losing a father, brother or head of the family or business empire now makes us look at those left behind. We now look to and must look after those who will feel his loss the most. Our needs and issues must take a back seat and make way for those left behind. Then we must look to those who will be forced by circumstance to carry the burden and responsibility of leadership for the family as well as the businesses. They too will need our support to insure that what has been built up and established does not crumble because everybody else was preoccupied with their pain, loss or personal interest.

Clarity shows us that life is uncertain, comes with no shelf life warnings and Death like in the case of Dominic comes like a thief in the night. Therefore we must now set aside our fear of rejection, the anchors of hurt and the shackles of pride. We must break lose from the things that prevent us from walking up to those we are in conflict with, those we are in disagreement with, even those we believe have unjustly offended or accused us and try in humility and sincerity to reconcile before it is too late and death permanently steals the opportunity.

In the same breath those of us who have truths that must be shared, even correction, now is the time to express those truths, your gratitude or your love for a person, brother, sister, family or friends. Admiration is hidden – Love is expressed. Like they say: Don’t wait until it’s too late.

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