Nobody is ever truly alone from my heart

Last Sunday’s column drew interesting responses.  I will quote some of them, edited for easier reading.  First the most traditional:

“Tama po na di mawala ang samahan ng mag-asawa pero di dapat magtapos ang pagmamahalan o social love alang-alang sa mga anak nila.  Ipakita nila ang magandang asal bagaman ang pagibig o romantic love ay nawawala na pag matanda na sila at ang pagmamahal sa bawat isa ay till death do them part.

This is the traditional view.  If you get married, stay married.  You made a vow to stay together until death do you part.  Here is a text that is traditional but not fully:

“What makes a marriage lonely?  Not having regular sex!  I am 65 years old.  My wife is 64.  We do IT regularly with passion & love.  We go to SOGO showing our Seniors’ IDs for the 20% discount.  We are Catholics & we serve in a community.  God bless!”

It is wonderful advice for traditionalists who still feel something for each other and go on adventures.  You are very lucky.  But both our women had a problem with what you so enjoy doing.  I am happy for you anyway.  The next one makes the most sense, I think.  It says:

“Create something to do, a mission or service to God and other people.  Eat, pray, love.  If you’re looking for happiness, don’t blame others.  Have a deeper faith in your relationship with God.  Love God, love yourself, love others.  Create a space so when you and your husband meet, there is excitement and lot of things to talk about.  Listening to each other helps a lot.  You will feel happy and cheerful if you are helping or doing something for others.  Appreciate and be grateful to God’s gift to us.  Do something that you’ve never done before.  This is the moment you gift yourself because your children are all grown up.  Create a hobby, earn money for yourself so that hubby will not meddle with your expenses.  Your happiness does not depend on your hubby.  You can be happy anytime, anywhere.  Find yourself, as what Barbara said.”

 She agrees with me.  I sense this texter is a woman who, like me, has been through the mill.  But the reason why I am writing this today is because of the following text:

“I belong in the company of Anna and Betty.  Just for that I’m glad I’m not alone.”

Nobody is ever truly alone.  There are always thousands out there with the same problem and are hesitant to talk.  I didn’t hear from the two women who sent me their problems.  So I thought I would share the replies with them, replies they must have heard before.  And the one that agrees with me, that makes the most sense to me.

 I talked about this with one of my stepdaughters, Marrielle, and she told me that before moving on a problem, she always assesses the risk involved.  I think that makes the most sense.

I got married at 18.  I was a child who knew no better.  If I told you the reason why I finally left my husband, you will understand, but never mind, it was a long time ago.  Let me just say there was a created crisis that almost drove me crazy, then a threatened repetition of it, which I could not take.  I packed up my children and went home to mother.  That was the beginning of the rest of my life.  If I had thought about risk, looked for answers to where would I get the money to support the children and me, what job would I find, who would shelter me, could I live without another person’s support?  If I came up with answers to those questions, therefore, assessing my risk, maybe I would have stayed and just gone crazy instead.

 But at 24, the concept of risk was alien to me.  I simply knew I had a mother to run to and she would take care of my children and me.  I am an only child after all.  Something in me said I would find a job and we would be fine.  Without being aware of it, I took a major risk.

It occurs to me now that I wasn’t consciously assessing risk in my personal life.  Soon I found a job in an advertising agency that set me on the road to learning everything I know today.  Earning my own money eventually gave me the ability to do what I wanted, where I wanted at my own expense.  I learned the values of independence.  Those values saw me through.

 I also know I had a lot of help from God, who I always thought of as my father.  Without His help, I never would have saved myself the way I did.

 Somewhere in this column is a lot of good advice.  I hope you learn from it.

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