Love thyself
Love is unique to every single person. There’s no one-size-fits-all. Every person defines, gives and receives love differently, and that’s part of what makes it so magical.
For both romantic and platonic relationships, there are five love languages that most people display. Dr. Gary Chapman famously classified these into words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.
Through years of counseling couples in crisis, he discovered that what makes one person feel loved isn’t always the same for their partner. Understanding your partner’s love language allows you to recognize when he or she is giving you love, even when it isn’t the same way that you show it. Taking the time to learn these love languages improves your communication and strengthens your bond.
Valentine’s Day might focus on couples, but self-love is always just as, if not even more important. A strong sense of self-love is a prerequisite to healthy relationships with other people. One of the greatest life lessons is learning how to fully accept and love ourselves.
Only when we are truly aligned with our own unique spirit can we completely give and receive real love. When we truly love ourselves, we can give without becoming exhausted or depleted and receive because we know we deserve it.
The five love languages give us clues on how to show ourselves some love. Just like in relationships, expressing love inwards also looks different for every person. Here’s how to show yourself some TLC, based on your self-love language.
• Words of affirmation. If this is your primary love language, hearing the words “I love you” and the reasons behind that build you up, while insults can hurt severely. As a self-love language, you can use words to build yourself up. Talk to yourself positively. Recite daily affirmations, practice journaling and use mantras. Write yourself love letters. Give yourself pep talks and motivate yourself.
• Acts of service. Acts of service means doing anything for others out of love rather than obligation. Surprisingly, you don’t need to rely on others for acts of service. You can adopt this as a self-love language by giving yourself what you need when you need it. Do things for yourself that make you feel good. Cook delicious meals. Clean your room and surroundings. Get in touch with your spirituality.
• Receiving gifts. For some people, nothing says, “I love you” more than the perfect gift or gesture. Receiving gifts can signify thoughtfulness, effort and love. It can show you that you are known, cared for and prized. A heartfelt gift can be a great symbol of love. You can apply this to yourself by treating and investing in yourself. Buy things to make you happy.
• Quality time. For the people whose primary love language is quality time, nothing says, “I love you” like undivided, focused attention. Being there for them is critical and postponed activities, distractions or failure to listen can be very hurtful. Spending uninterrupted time talking or doing activities together is what deepens the connection.
Applying this as your self-love language means allowing yourself the time and space to do things that you love. Taking regular breaks and scheduling “me time” can do wonders for you. Whether it’s going on a solo retreat, vacation or date, this is a great time to show yourself love through undivided time to reflect and recharge.
• Physical touch. In physical touch, presence and accessibility are important. Love is expressed through hugs, pats on the back and thoughtful touches on the arm. These communicate warmth, love and safety. As a self-love language, physical touch would be expressed as anything that makes your body feel good or focuses on your physical being. This could include getting massages, going to the gym, spa or salon.
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Post me a note at mylene@goldsgym.com.ph or mylenedayrit@gmail.com.
