The dead in the time of COVID-19

I would have been dressed to the nines, coronavirus disease 2019 or COVID-19 style. I sourced my own personal protective equipment (PPE) to cover my body from head to foot. It was pastel yellow and a little big for my size. I looked like a fake Bay Max, but I didn’t mind. It would serve its purpose. My protective eyewear was ready and so was my face mask. 

No, I didn’t volunteer to go to the frontlines. I was going to witness a cremation. I lost someone and I wanted to send him off. A wake was not possible because of the pandemic.  He didn’t have the coronavirus disease 2019 or COVID-19, but was considered a PUI even though he was not tested. Thus, he would have to be cremated. This was the protocol now, the undertaker told me. 

So, I prepared to attend the cremation with my yellow PPE and all. 

But even this was not possible, I was told the night before.

“But I have a PPE,” I argued.

It was futile.

“Ma’am, kahit driver po hindi pwede. ‘Yan po ang sabi ng DOH (Department of Health). Antayin niyo nalang po ‘yong urn.”

I slumped in helplessness and defeat. I was angry, but I was too weak to fight at that moment. 

All I could do was to sigh in frustration over the situation we’ve found ourselves in. 

The nightmares brought about by COVID-19 just kept coming, like the virus itself which is spreading at an alarming rate. 

I really wonder how we can get through this. The agony is real; the pain is throbbing. I feel like a candle thinning out. 

But this isn’t about me or my suspended grief. 

No farewells, no ceremonies

This is really about the dead in the time of COVID-19. Nobody deserved to die and nobody deserved to be sent off this way, without their families and loved ones having the chance to bid them farewell — not the tireless doctors on the frontlines, not the old people who wouldn’t be given ventilators, not our underpaid civil servants, not any of the desperately poor who live on hand-to-mouth existence, not anyone. 

It’s a situation so frustrating I can only blame our system that is so screwed and dysfunctional on so many levels. We had a head start in containing the virus. We could have learned from other countries that were already affected. The first COVID-19 case in the Philippines arrived in late January. But by the first week of February, the contact tracing barely started. Our health authorities fumbled big time.

The government imposed a lockdown more than a month after. It should have limited the movement of the broader population early on and with absolute clarity. 

Our authorities’ piecemeal responses lagged behind the killer virus’ rapid spread. 

Bodies are piling up

Now, it’s too late. Our health system is overwhelmed and so is the local mortuary industry.

The Philippines has 3,094 confirmed COVID-19 cases, and a nationwide death toll of 144, according to the Department of Health’s latest bulletin on Saturday. 

With all the COVID-19 deaths, there is now a long line in crematoriums. Priority is given to those stricken with the virus. Non-COVID-19 deaths would have to wait as what happened with my friend. The queue was so long he could only be cremated three days after he died.

Against this backdrop, we have funeral homes and crematoriums which have taken advantage of the situation by jacking up cremation costs by as much as 50 percent. 

The situation is so bad it feels like the pandemic kills twice. 

First, a COVID-19 patient dies of the virus, partly due to negligence, and second, the patient dies isolated and without his loved ones having the chance to give him a decent farewell.

Italians share this sentiment, but they believe things will get better, despite a death toll of more than 15,000.

#Andratuttobene – everything is going to be ok – is a hashtag that has been trending in Italy since the crisis erupted. 

Here, on the other hand, the hashtags that have trended recently are #OustDuterte as citizens call for a leadership change amid Duterte’s shoot to kill orders and his administration’s inadequate response to the health crisis, and #OursDuterte as Duterte’s supporters were quick to clap back.

But there’s no hashtag that can capture the misery of the bereaved in the time of COVID-19. 

Nothing is ok and I don’t think it will be anytime soon – not when the living are dying, not when the bereaved families cannot even grieve, and not when the dead cannot even die with dignity. 

In a country where we are cocooned by our human connections – our families and friends – we hold on to these threads up to the last moments possible, and when that too is taken away from us, the pain is twice as much. 

Iris Gonzales’ email address is [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @eyesgonzales. Column archives at eyesgonzales.com