Raising delinquents

Schools invite me to give parenting talks. And I have been doing this for years, and this is something I do that gives me immense joy and fulfillment. When it comes to school talks, I have never charged fees nor accept honoraria. It’s my way of giving back to the community and I will continue to do this as long as people still find me useful.

When I started my speaking career, I came across this material that I have kept with me for many years. I have featured this before but never has it been more relevant than it is today, and this is why it is worth presenting again.

The material is entitled: “12 Steps to Raise a Juvenile Delinquent.” This came from a leaflet from the Houston Police Department. It is old, and there has been a little update. But I believe it still applies.

While the “Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children” list reproduced above has been part of the online world since at least 1998, the original is a fair bit older. My research tells me that the earliest print sighting of this piece dates to 1959 when it appeared in a newspaper: The Best Way to Raise a Delinquent.

After making a study of juvenile delinquency, the police department of Houston, Texas, issued a leaflet containing 12 rules on “How to Raise a Juvenile Delinquent.” They are:

1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.

2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute.

3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 and then let him decide for himself.

4. Avoid the use of the word “wrong”. It may develop in the child a “guilt complex.” This will prepare him to believe that when he is punished later for stealing cars or assaulting women, society is “against him” and that he is being persecuted.

5. Pick up everything after him: his shoes, his books, his clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing his responsibilities on others.

6. Let him read anything he wants. Have no concern whatever for what goes into his mind. Be careful that the silver and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage.

7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your child. Then he will not be shocked if the home is broken up later.

8. Give a child all the spending money he wants; never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?

9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.

10. Take his part against police officers, teachers, and neighbors. They are all prejudiced against your child.

11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him.”

12. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be likely to have it.1

My kids are adults now, and they are all doing very well in terms of their profession and businesses. The Ilocana and I committed many parenting mistakes but the one thing we never compromised on is to instill discipline teaching them, reminding them, retelling, repeating the same message that: “The world does not owe them a living and they will have to work hard for what they want to be or what they want to have in life.” This is our way of instilling and developing in them a sense of maturity and professionalism which has lead them to develop a killer work ethics that leading them achieve a considerable degree of success in their lives.

As to the value part, the one non-negotiable part we have instilled in them is to love God more than they love us and when they do, then all good things will fall into place.

Parenting requires competence, and we are still learning and developing. It may be the most critical skill we need to build in our life.

(Attend the two exciting and inspiring days of leadership training with Francis Kong in his highly acclaimed Level Up Leadership seminar-workshop on May 21-22 at Seda Vertis North, Quezon City. For registration or inquiries contact April at +63928-559-1798 or register online at www.levelupleadership.ph)

1 https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/12-rules-for-raising-delinquent-children/