The opposite of love is not hatred but indifference

When you hate a person whom you used to love, actually, there are still some remnants or pieces of the love you felt for that person before. You just deny it because of your disappointments. You still have a feeling for that person. But when you become indifferent, there’s already complete emptiness, overall dryness, and total lack of concern, that’s the opposite of love.

On this Valentine’s Day, let us discuss the topic of love in its deeper meaning and holistic sense. There are seven levels or dimensions of human love in Greek: Eros, the sexual, physical, romantic, and passionate love; Philia, the authentic friendship between two beings who gratify each other; Ludus, the flirtatious, sudden and passing attractions that easily fades away, like a one-night stand; Storge, the unconditional, familial love; Philautia, self-love; Pragma, a committed, computational love; and Agape, empathetic, universal, and unconditional love. In Latin, Agape can be equated to Caritas or charity. I don’t want to write about erotic or flirtatious love. They are too shallow and fleeting. I want to bring my readers to Agape.

And what better way to explain this than to quote the first letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians, chapter 13: "Even if I speak of men and angels, if I do not have love, I am nothing but a noisy gong and a tinkling cymbal.” Words and sounds are not sufficient evidence of love if not accompanied by action. Noise by itself alone has no creative and redemptive value. "Even if I have the gift of Prophecy and I can fathom all mysteries and all Knowledge.” That means that knowing and understanding isn’t enough proof, without concrete action. "Even if I have faith strong enough to move mountains, I am nothing.” Man isn’t so much defined by faith as by action. But action without genuine motives and intent is vain. Thus, "even if I give all my possessions to the poor and offer my body to be burned, I am nothing.” These sacrifices must be impelled by love.

St. Paul says: "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, nor boast nor proud" What kills love are impatience, envy, boastfulness and pride." Love is not rude, nor self-seeking. It is not easily angered nor keep a record of wrongs." Agape or Caritas is really outward not inward, not selfish but generous. And it does not hold grudges. "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth." Thus, one who lies cannot reconcile his behavior with love. You always tell the truth even if it hurts rather than make your loved one happy by telling a lie. "Love always protects, hopes, trusts and perseveres.”

Now, if you lose your faith in the person because he cheated on you, you can still go on with love because your feeling doesn’t depend on his or her behavior, it’s your decision. If you can no longer hope because you were left behind, but you still have love, you can hold on. Love isn’t a feeling but a decision. Whenever I am asked to stand as a sponsor in weddings, I always tell the newlyweds about three levels of love: The first is the ''bubble gum love''. I love you while you are sweet. If you lose your flavor, I shall throw you away. The second is contractual love or “endo love”. I love you for as long as you are useful to me. Or I love you for as long as you love me too. If you stop caring for me, then I stop loving you. The third is: I love you and I don't give a damn if you love me in return. My love for you isn’t a feeling, not an emotion but a decision. It is final and unappealable. That is the love of a lawyer, and the love of Christ to humanity.

And when you start getting impatient, distrustful, you have lost hope and cannot find anything good in the person anymore. When you are tired of serving, giving, forgiving, persevering, waiting, trusting, hoping, and cannot even hate the person anymore. When you are numb and cannot hear, see, and feel anymore, then and there, you are in the opposite pole and farthest from love. It will take a very, very long time for you to learn how to love again.