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Humor to ease out pandemic pains

WHAT MATTERS MOST - Atty. Josephus B. Jimenez (The Freeman) - December 5, 2020 - 12:00am

It is easy to go crazy in this lockdown if one isn’t busy. How does one protect himself or herself from boredom, ennui, languor, or torpidity? I have several secrets; contemplative prayers, creative work, corny jokes, plain humor, and clean fun. Let's start with fun.

A bishop in a remote diocese in Mindanao told the parish priest that he would give the sacrament of Confirmation only to boys and girls who could answer at least three of the five questions on the Roman Catholic Catechism. And so, this tiny but personable girl, Katrina was asked by the bishop about the seven sacraments. She was asked to say what she understood about matrimony. She answered: It’s a state of terrible torment which the Christians have to undergo in order to purify themselves and prepare for a better world. Her mother corrected her that it was about purgatory, not matrimony. The bishop stopped the mother: Maybe she is correct, this angel of a child has seen the light from the Holy Spirit, which the parents were blind to.

It’s well-known that before, during, and after the wedding, the groom is always nervous and jittery. But here's one who remained cool and collected. After the ceremony in the Ronda parish church, and the reception in Dumanjug, newlyweds rushed to the airport to catch a flight for their honeymoon in Honolulu, Hawaii. When their van was already between Carcar and San Fernando, the bride asked the groom if he left the plane tickets. The husband nervously touched his pocket and realized he purchased only one ticket. He said, “darling, there is only one ticket. I only remembered you. I forgot all about myself.”

My youngest brother Jonathan married a young US-born Hawaiian beauty with Ilocana blood. When they honeymooned in Las Vegas with our cousins, Jonathan saw signages in the windows of the lawyers' offices: Marriage within three hours, divorce in thirty minutes. Then he read the statistics: Five of every ten marriages in Nevada, four in every ten in California and three in every ten marriages in the State of Washington ended in divorce. After reading the statistics, he sighed: When I look at the high divorce rates, I now understand why America is called the land of the free. And when I look at strong marriages that survive, I also understand why America is the home of the brave.

During the wedding of my youngest son, Jeremiah, and his bride Lara, an international stewardess, in Coron, Palawan, I started my speech with a question: What is the difference between love and marriage? Well, love is blind and marriage is the eye-opener. Man is incomplete before he marries. After the marriage, he is finished. My son asked me: “Dad, is it true that in some parts in Africa and the Middle East, the man doesn’t know the wife until he marries her?” I answered: “Son, that’s true in all parts of the world.” And I told Jeremiah: “Remember this day, son, before you deliver your thank you speech. Remember that will be the last speech you will ever be allowed by your wife to speak for her and for yourself.” I told them a story. After a quarrel, the wife said: You know I was a fool when I married you. The husband retorted: “Yes, dear, but I was in love. I didn’t notice.”

My son asked me how we remain married after 40 years. I said we always compromise. I always admit I’m wrong and your mom agrees. My grandson, Kale Josef asked: “Lolo, how much does it cost to get married?” I replied, “I really don’t know. I am still paying for it until now.” And my granddaughter, Calli asked me who are the happiest couples. I said a blind wife and a deaf husband. They will always be holding hands.

josephusbjimenez@gmail.com

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