Love without marriage, marriage without love
Love and marriage do not always go together. As postscript to Valentine’s Day, we were told that yesterday, some husbands brought their wives to five-star candlelight dinners, complete with caviar and champagne. Today, the same husbands are bringing their paramours to motels to have some real hot encounters in bed. The best of both worlds? I don't think so.
Well, I have no personal knowledge about the latter. It is all hearsay, but everyone is whispering about the boom in the motel industry, especially today, and the day before Valentine’s. The motels are raking a lot of money and do not have to pay taxes because motel guests do not demand for receipts, much less use their credit cards. I know of a friend who has a stable marriage, with a very rich and stunning wife and beautiful, well-educated kids. But husband and wife (both were my officemates before) would tell me that they do not really love each other. Their marriage was arranged by parents, and it survived for 30 years now. But sans love, the couple respect each other, and perhaps even have inkling that each was cheating on the other, when it comes to romances.
There is also another couple I know, our neighbors actually, who are madly in love with each other, but both are married to other spouses. The woman has legally separated from her ex-husband, and the man is still very much married and living together with his legitimate spouse. They only meet occasionally, which according to the man, even makes their encounters more hot and exciting. They also have two kids who are being sent to exclusive schools. But the two never appear in public. The durability of their 17-year affair lies precisely in the exciting element of secrecy and lack of patterns.
And so, as a student of human behavior, I ask myself which of the two couples is happier? I see the first set, the ones with marriage but without love, as very formal, stiff, and lacking in spontaneity, like the royal couple Lady Di and Prince Charles. To the eyes of the public, they are the paragon of success and happiness; rich, with successful business and well-bred children. I also see the other couple, the one with love but without marriage, as very affectionate to each other, behaving in public like high school lovers, always embracing and kissing, very spontaneous in the expression of their feelings.
Well, the moralists may pontificate that the second couple is living in sin. But who are we to judge them? We are sinners too. In fact, to me, the one who stay married without love may also be in sin, for not being true to themselves. But then again, we cannot pronounce judgment on others for we really do not know what is inside their hearts and minds. Each person has a choice and he or she must be ready to face the consequences of each choice. As for me and my house, we have a credo: There is no success in business or career that can make up for failure in the family.
I wonder what you think about this, dear readers?
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