Life’s misgivings and lessons

Reading an apology letter from a parent over and on behalf of child’s misgiving is placing me in ambivalent situation. If there’s one who would be devastated over a child’s misbehavior, it would be the mother, or the parents.

Rearing a child for many years and in just one major misgiving would create a seemingly irreparable blow to how parents reared a child. Oftentimes, parents would be even asked whether they were effective enough in bringing them up.

But there are just so many factors that are far beyond parental control, much more when a child starts to have more time with others, spending more with friends and peers.

As parents, part of the entire unloading of emotional burdens is to anticipate the eventually that indeed there are uncontrollable factors. And so we need to accept it as also part of their growing up and the realization that soon they will be on their own. Mistakes are part of growing up, making them stronger and wiser individuals.

Everybody makes mistakes. But what do we do once we’ve made a mistake? That’s where important life lessons can occur.

Spending a lot of energy trying not to make any mistakes, trying to hide the mistakes we did make, or feeling guilty about past mistakes does not help at all. It is impossible for anyone to live without making errors, and our children are watching us closely to learn how to deal with our missteps when they do occur.

We want our children to be humble enough to admit when they are wrong, ask forgiveness, and move on to try to do a better job next time. And the only way they can develop into that kind of person is if we model it for them.

Let’s be honest and acknowledge when we have made an error. This will be a relief to our children! Most children feel like they make numerous mistakes and everyone is pointing them out. To watch someone else go through the process will help them understand that mistakes are not the end of the world.

There is an opportunity to demonstrate, although it is normal and inevitable for each of us to make missteps, it is also our responsibility to clean up our mess. After we admitted our mistake, let’s show to them how we plan to fix our error.

Apologizing when we make a mistake that affects our young is taking steps of admitting our mistake and making amends for it. Additionally, making apologies to our children demonstrates humility, remorse and a genuine desire to repent. Older children will develop more respect for parents who are able to admit their mistakes. They will recognize the strength it takes to admit the error, as well as the resilience it takes to learn from the mistake.

Children, and especially our young, are incredibly intuitive and can easily tell the difference between a quick, superficial sorry and a genuine, heartfelt apology. But when you truly mean it, an apology to a child heals their hurt feelings and helps to develop trust.

Parents are left to do the best they can as parenting is not a direct science. There are no specific steps that will always produce a certain result. A mistake may actually benefit us in unexpected ways, perhaps with an opportunity to try something differently, and not to commit similar mistake in the future.