Pretty tough mama

CEBU, Philippines —  Her bright and bubbly personality may belie it, but Lyssa Amor Diaz Ota has gone through hell and high water to reach to where she is today.

Among the 27-year-old make-up artist’s most recent joys was being hailed as this year’s My Pretty Mama winner. Even after competing with 10 other mothers, Lyssa admits that the whole affair did not feel like a contest. In fact, it felt like an escape for the moms who gathered to discover new things about themselves and shared wisdom from their experiences. Still, for a first time pageant candidate, nabbing the fifth My Pretty Mama crown was as surreal as it could get.

My Pretty Mama Philippines is a pageant looking for the paradigm of mothers, a search for an exemplary woman who nurtures her home while dreaming for herself and being a woman for others with the hope of rewarding mothers and celebrating their love and importance.

Apart from her spanking new crown, one of Lyssa’s most noteworthy assets is her resilience.

“Honestly wala jud nako siya ma-imagine,” Lyssa quips in an interview with The Freeman, wearing her winning gown by Eyla Orais. “Wala ko nag-expect nga muapil ko og pageant. Kung wala ni nahimo ang My Pretty Mama, di gyud ko kaapil.”

As a youth leader in Apas, Cebu City, she has organized and judged beauty tilts. She even got to be a back-up dancer for a contestant years ago.

As a make-up artist, she’s shared her talents with a few candidates and has had the chance to do Miss Eco International 2018 Cynthia Thomalla and Binibining Cebu Charity 2017 Maria Gigante’s makeup, among others. In short, she’s seen pageants unfold, on and off stage. But until My Pretty Mama, has never competed herself.

“I joined because of the advocacy. It’s not a typical pageant,” she shares. “I didn’t join because I wanted to be the most beautiful. Even as a career woman, as a mother, there are really times nga wala koy buhaton and I don’t want to waste my time. Ganahan ko mutabang. It’s fulfilling to realize how blessed you are. And that motivates you to help.”

Lyssa believes in the power of positive thinking and visualized how she would win. Despite being sick on pageant night, she was able to pull through and take home the crown: the image of a woman of the home, a woman of society, a woman for herself.

But things haven’t been peachy keen for Lyssa. When most people think of families, they think of a mom, a dad, and their kids, but she grew up in a different dynamic. To her mother, she is the eldest of two children. To her father, Lyssa is the third among five of his children. After being adopted by her maternal grandparents, she knew what it was like to be the youngest and technically a sister to her mother on paper.

Despite outgrowing negative thoughts about not having the traditional family setup, Lyssa is wont to sugarcoat things. She was affected, but eventually saw past that, thanks to the love she was showered with by her grandparents.

“Mao siguro wide akong panan-aw sa mga butang,” Lyssa says. “I met my dad padung ko college, and nagkasuod mi sa akong mom after I gave birth to my son because I went to her for help. I never had a grudge because my grandparents made me understand the situation. They made me realize that that was the best they could do at the moment and wala na koy mabuhat.”

She adds, “Na-realize nako nga tanan akong naagian were very helpful in molding who I am now. Happy ko sa akong naagian.”

Aside from putting up her own business, it has always been Lyssa’s dream to have a family. At 23, she had her little bundle of joy, Shinichi, with her Japanese boyfriend Takahiro. It soon became clear that reality was a bit different from her ideals.

“I didn’t want to get married just because of the baby, but I also didn’t want my baby to be without a father,” Lyssa explains. Takahiro came through, providing for Lyssa and now four-year-old Shin as he works in Japan. Last year, Lyssa and Takahiro finally tied the knot.

“It’s really hard work. Saying I love you is not enough. You have to put time and effort to make it work. When your dream is what’s supposed to make you happy, but naa sa point na kinahanglan nimo i-give up because dili na ka happy, nakaagi ko ana na struggle. But the key is to lose your pride. Seek to understand to be understood,” Lyssa says of her household.

Also testing Lyssa’s strength was when she miscarried during her second pregnancy. That time, Lyssa was actively pursuing makeup gigs and the stress caused her to lose the baby. Prior to that, her grandmother also passed away.

“I went to Manila to my mother. Probinsya didto sa Cavite, and I read inspirational books,” Lyssa, who blamed herself for the miscarriage, says on her recovery. “Niabot ang time nga na-bored ko, and inspired na kaayo ko sa akong mga nabasa. Because I wanted to do what I learned from the books already. Dili na ko ganahan mawala ang momentum. I went back to Cebu.”

During the My Pretty Mama coronation preliminary interview, Lyssa shared that if she could change anything in her past, it would be to rest during her second pregnancy so she could be with her baby today.

As a full-time career woman, Lyssa, who also runs a blog, seems on top of her game. After she won My Pretty Mama, she went off to go to Bantayan Island at 1 a.m. for a shoot with a shipping line that she had modelled for. While she was on stage competing, she was already thinking about her next hustle.

That hasn’t always been the case for Lyssa. She didn’t always have things figured out. Like many 20 somethings, Lyssa was lost, stuck in a limbo, not knowing where she was going.

Although she was an achiever throughout elementary school, she eventually became a lot more loose, transforming into the class clown in high school. In college, she took up Nursing at Cebu Doctors’ University, but never really had the passion for it. At 20, she didn’t want to take the board exams. Instead, she ran away from home, feeling like a failure.

“I felt like everyone was disappointed in me. Sayang daw ang four years, but mas sayang ang the rest of my life doing something I don’t love and that doesn’t make me happy. I’ve been lost so many times. So I tried a lot of things,” recalls Lyssa.

She taught English to foreign students. She wanted passive income so she thought about investing in stocks and mutual funds. One day, her husband urged her to try blogging since she knew how to put up pages.

“He told me, ‘Done was better than perfect,” Lyssa says of how she began as a blogger.

“Before, I was so confident with my abilities. But I realized it was a wrong kind of confidence. My husband would tell me I had high pride but I had nothing to lose. Iya kong gitabangan to lose that wrong kind of pride and to be humble and respectful,” Lyssa says. “I had to lose that, to build the kind of pride that came from me, dili kanang na gikan sa laing tao. I’ve been lost so many times, and now I feel more fulfilled.”

Eventually, Lyssa found her skills in makeup. It was frustrating at first. Building her reputation, she felt like people were taking advantage of her. She often did free gigs for exposure, but in the end, she was able to make a name for herself.

Now, her dreams are mostly for Shinichi.

“I’ve said that I can’t imagine life before my son,” Lyssa quips. “My dream for my son is for him to pursue his dream. I want to pursue my dream so he can see what it’s like. Para makaingon siya nga, akong mama iya gi-pursue iyang dream, so I should do the same. I’m more motivated with him around. I want to do more.”

Shinichi is a brilliant little boy to his mother. He likes to sing so much that he has now taken to singing their bedtime song instead of Lyssa singing it for Shin. He puts away his dirty laundry, and even helps with other chores.

Lyssa fears that one day, Shin would want to listen to other people and not her, but they have a long way before that. Lyssa just wants Shin to be independent and capable.

“When he falls, he stands up,” says Lyssa, who prefers not to coddle her son. Other moms raise eyebrows when she doesn’t rush to Shin when he trips, but Lyssa hopes that these people understand that there are different ways of parenting.

“Dili man sad sa wala koy paki niya. This is how I care for him. Independence. Kids should get to experience joys and sorrows, but not sorrow nga inflicted. Kana akong anak, madagma siya, mubangon rana siya.”

As a mom, Lyssa shares how surprising every milestone is. She’s proud to have been there when Shin was strong enough to roll over, when he learned how to stand, when Shin found his first steps.

But she knows there is no perfect way of being a mother. “I tend to be a perfectionist but I know nga dili jud perfect tanan. So I’m not big on ideals. Ideals, they’re there as your goal, mao imong basehan but I also want growth for my child. Go with your instinct,” she says.

Joining My Pretty Mama has opened a lot of doors for Lyssa both as a career woman and as a mother. She’s learned to look up to her fellow MPM candidates and is also helping them in their advocacies throughout her reign.

A mental health advocate who also pressed for depression awareness having lost two of her friends to suicide, Lyssa knows all too well how difficult things can be, especially for an over thinker like her.

Asked how she has kept sane throughout her struggles, the beauty queen says: “We go to God when we’re down. I was so used to being alone that as much as possible, I don’t ask for help. But no one can give you unconditional love except God. “Your husband might leave you, your kids might leave, people put themselves first…you can’t give what you don’t have. But si God ra gyud makahatag.”

“When there is life, there is hope. When you’re dead, wala. I think my dreams are bigger than my problems. My God is bigger than my problems. People change and your past doesn’t define your future.”