What has being a single parent taught you?

Growing up, most of us dream of finding the right man, getting married, having a career and a home where we can start a family with lots of happy God-fearing children. Being a single parent is far from one’s mind; no one ever wishes it on anyone, not even on their enemies. 

When we hear stories of couples separating, we think that it will never happen to us, but unfortunate circumstances happen, and suddenly our dreams become our biggest nightmare and we are faced with a situation that will totally change the lives of our children. Being a single parent can never be easy. Seeing the tears and sadness in your children’s faces is the most painful feeling of any parent and it cuts a deeper wound in a mother’s heart. Suddenly, you are forced to go on with your life alone, face the world holding on to your faith in God and knowing that this trial will pass as everything that is good and bad does.

Some are lucky to have an ex who will support their children, but for most of us who don’t have a cooperative ex, we learn to move on, work harder to make both ends meet because we want to give our children a happy life and better future.

To those who don’t know, I am a single parent too, and I’m speaking from experience. Being a single mom will never be easy but I am very blessed to have very good children. Being one has taught me to just put all my trust in the Lord and let Him lead my life. It has also made me and my three children closer, stronger and more prayerful. And, yes, one can be whole and happy again even after separation.

The recent controversial remarks of Senator Vicente “Tito” Sotto III last Wednesday during the Commission on Appointments’ hearing of Social Welfare Secretary Judy Taguiwalo enraged 15 million solo/single parents all over the country. The incident, which elicited responses from various women’s rights groups, prompted an immediate apology from the senator, who will now sponsor amendments to the solo parents law. “I have two daughters who are single parents. The CA debates were misinterpreted. A street joke was taken out of context.”

Still, many people — both men and women — reject such language being used about women — especially in the Senate.

Valerie Bariou, political affairs officer, Senate

Being a single parent has taught me several life lessons, to be self-reliant, resilient and more tolerant of change. Self-reliant because I am forced to be more hard-working and more resourceful not only for myself but for my children.

Resilient because I am stronger with the unique challenges single-parenting presents. You create a special bond and closeness with your children, and make sure you don’t miss out on their journey from childhood to adulthood. Last, but definitely not the least, be tolerant to change because everyday situations can always shift in perspective. I learned to appreciate what I have and what my children and I have achieved as a family.

I am grateful for going through such challenging and tough experiences as a single parent. I have become more driven and determined to be a positive role model for my children. I am happier now in my life and I will ensure that my children get all the love and the life that they deserve.

Ligaya Salonga

My answer to that is, it’s the most difficult time of your life, but thinking of my children I feel no pain, no sadness. I feel so blessed every time I look at them.  They are my life and my reason for being on earth. Of course, being a single parent is hard. Who said life was easy?

Ruffa Gutierrez

The breakdown of my marriage was the most painful experience I’ve had to go through. Yet I am grateful for the love I had, the memories I made, the lessons I learned, which all shaped me to be the woman I am today.

Learn to believe in second chances and to stop living in the past. Learn from it and always have faith that with every suffering, God will reward you with abundant blessings.

I salute all the single moms like me who have raised their children on their own in spite of the countless challenges, sacrifices and struggles. Always believe that each day is a new beginning and the best is yet to come. Thank you, Lord, for the gifts of Lorin and Venice who give me joy and unconditional love every day. I am blessed.

Angel Jacob, TV host

Being a single parent has taught me the value of recognizing the blessing of my having supportive parents and me always being there for my daughter.

Marilen Roa Nunez, chairman, Forthinker Inc.

Being a single parent is a challenging path, but it has led to an adventure that taught me so many things, above all, to love with passion. That love inspired me to do everything possible to raise my kids. That love motivated me to believe in myself — that I’m better than who I thought I was — and to grow with professionalism and creativity. And that love guided to me to trust God — to have great faith in His love in conquering life’s battles one day at a time.

Ces Drilon, award-winning journalist

Being a single parent taught me that choosing to be true and honest to yourself over the dictates of society will benefit your children in the long run.

Rep. Pia Cayetano

Being a single mother requires that you make daily decisions on your own. You need to balance being the mother and father  at the same time. As a nurturer, I also have to be the disciplinarian. But because I have a very supportive extended family, I’ve learned to rely on my brothers, mom and sisters-in-law. I’d like to believe my children’s lives are fuller, more enriched because they get to interact with very closely, see the different perspectives and learn from all the people around them who love them.

Cecile Lilles, marketing consultant, ABS-CBN Foundation

Being a single parent has taught me that no matter how powerless one might feel, a wellspring of strength comes forth once children’s rights are violated. It has taught me gratitude for the resilience of my children, and it has taught to submit to God’s plans. 

Janice de Belen

I have been a single parent for most of my adult life (since I was 18). I was married for 10 years but went back to being a single parent in 2001. Single parenthood has taught me about responsibility, accountability, communication, respect and honesty. Having children means being responsible for how these five children will turn out when they become adults.

While their fathers were there, I had to play both roles on a daily basis. I had to work twice the effort as it was a single-income household. I learned to be as honest as I can be with everything. I had to explain as honestly as I could about things that our family went through and made sure that they would not grow up hating anybody.

I learned that there is never enough time to spend with your children. And I am thankful that, even with my erratic work schedule, for most of their lives I was home when they got home from school.

Being a single parent doesn’t only mean having strength, it means having the courage to take on challenges. Parenthood doesn’t come with a manual, and it’s even harder when there is only one person to do it.

I am proud to be a single parent even if I was young when I became one. I grew up with my kids.

Panjee Tapales

I am blessed that I am not a single parent who had to carry the sole burden of raising my children. Their father provided support and I was able to stay home and look after them. We co-parented as best we could, though many everyday decisions were left to me. That was never easy. When they were ill, I was always on my own and stretched beyond limit with fatigue and worry. When they fought, I was solo disciplinarian, firm when I wanted to fold. When they were injured or in an emergency situation, I had to be much stronger than I felt I could be. Instead of rushing to comfort them, I checked to see if they needed to be taken to the hospital, thought ahead of next steps, when all I wanted to do was hug and soothe them. It takes an emotional toll when parenting duties are not shared every day, but one must be brave and adapt. 

Nobody goes into this situation willingly. Everyone wants a partner they can depend on, someone with whom to share the joys and sorrows of parenting. But because I had to face so many things alone, I have a different kind of strength, equanimity and perspective that I would not otherwise have. I learned that families come in all shapes and sizes and accepting these constellations is a powerful way to show our children how love can grow. I learned there is no limit to the number of ways a mother’s heart can be stretched, imperfect as she is. I learned to count my blessings. This is not a path for the faint of heart and I have nothing but the highest respect, admiration and compassion for single parents who must be breadwinners as well.  

Of all the superheroes in the world, single parents have the greatest superpower of all: LOVE. It simply cannot be diminished.

Ana Abad Santos, actress

I think all parents want the best for their baby, whether you raise them together or separately. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I believe this. Always be grateful to anyone who had a hand, big or small, in shaping your child’s life. In that respect, you’re never really a single parent. Family comes in different forms. My son’s father has his own beautiful loving community for our son, and I made my own with him. You learn to raise your child out of the box. As much as that has risks, I believe it definitely makes for a more honest and beautiful relationship with your child.