Compton’s crusade

Alex Compton was nicknamed the “Heartbreaker” when he played in the Metropolitan Basketball Association. He later crossed over as an import, and then head coach for Alaska Milk in the Philippine Basketball Association. Today, he is an author bent on healing hearts of children who are often inadvertently and unintentionally traumatized by parents and coaches who are guiding them into sports. In the book “Wisest Learners: Guiding Your Child’s Athletic Journey” written by Compton and Kevin Dalafu, they explain that there are behaviors that parents instinctively have that may unknowingly be harmful to children as they learn how to play and compete in various sports. Often, we get upset with our kid even after a frustrating game.

“We love our kids, absolutely,” says the 1999 MBA Most Valuable Player. “But the way we express that when they’re playing can turn out to be hurtful to them.”

Compton, himself a fifth-grade basketball coach in Wisconsin, explains that we should draw the line between being a parent and a coach. Parents may know what is best for their kids, but coaches are looking out for the entire team. Even if you are a coach, your child is playing on another coach’s team. The child will be stressed and feel like he or she is in the middle of a tug of war.

“The child will get confused,” he explains. “In the heat of the game, my Dad is saying one thing, but my coach wants me to play this way. We have to remind ourselves that it is not our team.”

Compton advises that we listen to our children after a game, and if they are feeling down, try to understand where they are coming from. Then, we can ask them their favorite part of the game, and express our favorite part, turning it into a positive experience. Very important is that we encourage effort, because children may still be learning the sport, and might not be good at it yet.

At the same time, we have to be honest with our children. If they want more playing time or a bigger role, they have to work for it. We also need to be clear how far they can really go in the sport. Our concern is the child as a person, not as an athlete. More than their athletic ability, their confidence and feeling loved should be paramount. More than being athletes, they are people being formed. We should converse with them as people, not children or miniatures. We can guide them more properly with patience and understanding.