Broken again and again

So nagpa diamond peel and led mask with collagen ko sa Skin 911 Banilad Town Center last Friday evening. Gipangutana ko sa therapist kun magpa prick ba ko og white heads kay daghan daw. When I said yes, she warned me nga maka-feel kuno ko og gamay nga pain. Pero nahuman naman lang ang pricking waman gyud ko sakiti. Ingon siya, strong kuno ko. And she asked: How to be you po? Pakkk!

I replied: You have to be broken and broken again so that you can no longer feel the pain, any kind of pain. Hoyyy! Nahugyaw siya. Bitaw, after being through a lot personally and professionally mura’g manhid naman ko. I have become jaded. Dili nako maka feel og bisan unsa. Maglisud nako’g pangita sa kilig, bisag makakilig gyud ang sitwasyon ba. Aguy!

I don’t think it’s healthy. It’s not normal I guess. Pero kay sige naman lang gyud ko’g ka broken-hearted gumikan sa gugma-gugma mostly, mao na gyud na akong estado ron emotionally. It’s not healthy because dili gyud nimo ma feel ang effort sa tawo diha nimo. Kay naa na gyud kay wall, and you are doubtful always to the point of being afraid to fall again. Pakkk!

So unsaon man? I will love my self more now. Ako lang usa. I will reestablish a relationship with my self. Kay kun dili ko complete, I will always fail. Because ingon sila, you cannot give what you do not have. So kamo nga susama nako nga sige lang na broken-hearted, always the victim never the villain, go, love you self. Love your self first. Love your self again.

Higugmaa imong kaugalingon until it will no longer be painful and you are no longer bitter. Kanang point in life nga kun makahinumdom ka how you were broken, dili naka saputon. Mukatawa na lang ka. Mukatawa ka nganong nabuang ka niya. Mukatawa ka sa imong ka corny.Labaw sa tanan, mukatawa na lang ka because atleast it happened. That one day in your life, you loved and was loved. Pakpak!

Have a blessed Sunday, dear okRYANians.I-add ko sa Facebook: Rai Seller ug Ryan Mark