Sailing on, a year after

Being in an online room filled with students, I was so eager to share my story. The story of how I've moved on, a year after our station was shut down following the denial of its broadcast franchise. I smiled, shared my screen to show my slides and pressed play to the video of my final extro in the local dialect. Before saying my name, I uttered the phrase "hangtod sa sunod nato nga panagkita" or until we meet again. I cringed, looked at the goosebumps in my arms and held back tears. That still hurts.

Exactly one year today, TV Patrol Central Visayas bade its goodbye on the internet --the final platform for its broadcast. It was also the time where everyone I have worked with went into the station, defying quarantine protocols because we just needed each other's company. As the screen turned black, more tears started to flow and imaginary hugs that couldn't be even executed at all. We kept a photo as a keepsake but vowed never to publish it on any channels. We needed to keep that memory.

Today, I sail on. Although not as a full-time worker but as a person. I have found means to continue my craft both on print, online and in the academe. Looking back, there were a lot of what-ifs. There were too many that they could fill an imaginary void in this questionable governance. But then there is nothing much that we can do now, but to move around with what is available.

I think this is the beauty of it all, finding solace in the chaos that once was. I never thought we could all reach that time where we move past the hurt, guilt, and pain but then, it can be done. However, the wound that has healed will be a scar for life. It will always be a part of us that we could never forget and when we look back upon it, we remember and gain valuable lessons.

Yes, it was an issue of press freedom; an attack on free journalists who did nothing but give valuable news and entertainment. Yes, it was a closure in the middle of a pandemic when finding a new job was difficult considering very limited skill sets and the age difference for some. And yes, we were victimized by someone who had to spite our management. While it is so easy for the ones who did it to deny these claims, we're here grappling for the truth. Then again there is less than a year for us to elect a new leader. I'd really like to see how that will go.

I look at the masked faces who managed to smile beneath tears with their home behind them as their background. Some of them I haven't seen and heard from because of the passing of time, others by my personal choice. But I do really wish them well and to assure them that all will be alright in time. The fight continues.