Fraud in marriage?
Ara wanted to meet up with me in order to discuss a very urgent matter. As she put it, her family situation is at the point where she doesn’t understand it anymore and that she wanted to clarify with me some concerns that have been bothering her.
Over a year ago, she met Lou through an online dating site. Lou came to the US and visited her. They spent time knowing each other, dating, and going places. She introduced him to her family, friends, and relatives. Lou’s caring ways towards her, thoughtfulness and public display of his affection towards her mesmerized Ara. Thus, before Lou’s period of authorized stay expired, they decided to get married in the US.
Soon after, Ara filed a spousal petition for Lou which was approved. Consequently, Lou also filed a greencard application which was also approved. Ara was looking forward to a lifetime of love and bliss. Or so she thought.
Eight months after Lou received his greencard, Ara claimed Lou showed signs of detachment and loss of feelings for her. Lou does not sleep with her anymore, does not hand over his salary, and has been overly secretive, controlling, and argumentative. These changes often lead to bitter fights and a slow deterioration of their relationship.
Ara feels that Lou was just using her in order to obtain a greencard. She suspects that once Lou obtains the 10-year permanent residency, he will just divorce her. These are Ara’s concerns and now wants to know what her options are.
This is not the only time that I heard stories like these. This happens not only among Filipinos but also to other nationalities. So if you were Ara, what should you do?
Bear in mind, I am neither a relationship expert nor a family therapist/psychologist. I can only give tips based on what I saw with my other clients.
First of all, you should know who you’re dealing with. It takes years for one to know the other and to see if there is a “relationship” to begin with. Our feelings could deceive us and lead us to do irrational and hasty decisions. Ara should have taken the time to know Lou more. She could have visited him in his home country and met his family and friends.
Second, it might be beneficial if they talk about this problem and if they can’t help settle this between the two of them, a marriage counselor might help. Before Ara suspects what Lou’s motivations are, a long, open and heart-to-heart discussion with him could straighten things out. And Lou should also meet her halfway. If the marriage can still be saved, both of them should exert as much effort as possible.
Third, she must know that if she truly feels that Lou committed fraud, she can very well report to USCIS. This maybe the harshest things she could do but if she has very reasonable grounds to believe that she was just used by Lou in order to gain an immigration benefit such as obtaining a greencard, then she is well within her right to inform USCIS. And USCIS takes marriage fraud very, very seriously.
After a full three-hour talk with Ara, she left the office with her questions answered. What was a bit of consolation is that upon leaving, she told me that she just called Lou who agreed that they will go for marriage counseling.
Good luck to both of them.
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