Memories of our departed
It is only this time of the year that we reminisce so much the memories of our loved ones who have left us. Even if several years have passed, we are still able to share the memories with our contemporaries and pass them on to current generation.
And so no other place that we converge in order to share the stories but in a cemetery, this is why the place is transformed in a day to two to its opposite like a market or even like a social place. This is one thing that has become part of us—and will never be gone as it urges to do it annually.
But how can we really make it meaningful, at least for the younger generation because for them it might be just a common juncture.
When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure as we embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. If our beloved are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them by reliving their memories.
Grief is the deepest emotion. It combines devastation, despair, powerlessness, and existential fear. But it is not all bad, for in this darkest time we can still find moments of light: the beautiful memories and hold on to.
Memory is often a social construction. In the context of grief, memories are often elicited and shared in group settings with family members and friends. Information is disclosed, information is absorbed, and memories change in the process.
We often doubt memories of another’s life, whereas complicated grievers doubt memories of their own lives. Grief affects everyone differently, and this too applies to how it impacts our memories.
There are many psychological processes and biases that enter once someone has passed away to believe that our memories of that person can possibly remain unscathed. One must only look at the average eulogy to see that we usually remember our loved ones in the best possible light. We should all be so lucky to be remembered as the best version of ourselves, even if this version is partially the result of indistinct memories.
As we remember our loved ones who have passed away, we also think about and declare what they meant to us. Such warm experience can also encourage and perhaps even challenge us by remembering their impact on our life.
Remembering them helps us with the process of grieving. When we remember, we are given permission to face our loss. If we mask the grief with busyness and distraction, we merely postpone the day when it will cause us pain. It allows us to be in the place of facing loss and as we go to that place, we are able to process it.
Letting go of what used to be is not an act of disloyalty, and it does not mean forgetting our loved ones. But rather it means leaving behind the sorrow and pain, and choosing to go on, taking with us only those memories and experiences that enhance our ability to grow and expand our capacity for happiness.
It is possible to get stuck in memory. Unhealthy remembering begins to define our life and controls all our thoughts. But there is also healthy remembering which honors our loved one, helps us learn to live with loss and moves us towards the place where we can live again.
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