Divorce – contracts

If you find your self in the most boring party of the century, just throw in “Divorce in the Philippines” as a topic for conversation, break up the crowd into three groups – pro – anti – undecided, then observed one of the most heated debates that you’ve ever watched. The problem with hot topics such as “divorce” is the fact that it’s personal. But then again, that’s how many Filipinos are when it comes to topics and conversations; its always from personal experience or hand me down (but still personal) views from parents or leaders. Even “media” becomes reflective of personal views and rarely do we hear, see, or read anything that is impersonal, informative, factual and objective.

Anti-divorce people always raise “religious” views. On the other hand, the pro-divorce puts out broken marriages, domestic abuse, and a need for second chances. I confess that for the longest time I was pro-divorce, then I got “religion” and saw that marriages can and have been saved when people found God and placed him in the center of the marriage. But I also recognize that not everybody “finds God” or wants to follow God. There are also people in my church who found God after legal separation, Philippine style divorce, as in simply moving on, and then met their real “better half” in church and got their second chance. Many Filipinos also fall in love just like in the movies, comply with the marriage ceremony as a requirement of law and society, and then wake up realizing they never knew or read the fine print called “The reality of marriage.”

“Divorce” has now become a real possibility especially since the people pushing for them in Congress are “victims,” have moved on in violation of prevailing laws, and are people known to be Catholics, Christians, as well as celebrities in their own right. These are the people with enough reason or pain to see the battle through. Judging from the public response, there won’t be much of a battle for several reasons.

The number one oppositionist to divorce in the Philippines has always been the Catholic Church, but their problem is that they have long practiced divorce but just called the same puppy by a different name: “annulment.” The common impression is that there have been a lot more of these annulments in the last 20 years than the entire history of Roman Catholicism. So the charge now would be “practice what you preach.” To make matters worse, there is annulment but it is anti poor since the cost to get one runs up to hundreds of thousands of pesos and all you have to do is say you are incompetent or are a failure at marriage. The question is how can accomplished business people, celebrities and the like excel in business and the arts convince a psychiatrist they are incompetent at marriage?  Do you hear the cash register go “Chi-ching”?

That buys you a second or third chance to find a partner willing to accept someone with excess baggage. But hey, since your marriage was annulled all your naturally procreated children automatically become “illegitimate” since the marriage was dissolved! Imagine the life-long damage that does to innocent children. No, I’m not being judgmental, I think divorce is actually a kinder word than annulment as far as the children are concerned.

Another reason there won’t be much of a fight in the court of public opinion is because divorce is nothing new to the public. Thanks to media, people are well aware of the millions of Filipinos trapped in unhappy marriages. The strange thing about it all is when you walk into a class reunion and people ask you if you are on your second or third marriage? So, divorce is now like the much needed franchise for colorum vans and public transport. People have been living the life of the divorced; it’s just not legal.

St. Paul once wrote that he won’t pass judgment on non-believers but he would throw the book at those professing to be Christians but live like heathens. I honestly have started to appreciate St. Paul’s perspective but only so far because in the Philippines so many Pinoys have been brainwashed and actually believe the Disneyland fairy tale love stories. If not, then they belong to the next category of people trying to get away from their families, parents or economic status and mistakenly believe getting married will give them a new start. Third and most disturbing are those young adults who never get the right teachings or training or sex education. Everyone instantly assumes that sex education is all about copulation, orgasm and pregnancy. No it also involves teaching values, purity and staying alive in this day and age when getting AIDS is a real deal for the sexually active.

In the end, divorce is just a remedy to a foregone disaster. What we really should be talking about is marriage as a contract not just between man and woman or soon to be husband and wife. Marriage is a contract proposed by God, where he promises that if the couple were to live under God’s sovereign will and love he would bless them, their children, their assets and all their undertakings. People must be made to understand that marriage is the contract not the marriage certificate – that is just a piece of paper. You enter into a contract because you qualify and intend to fulfill the obligations and requirements of the contract. No “Ifs” – No “Buts.” You are both entering into a contract with God, not just each other, not the church, priest, pastor or mayor. They are all merely accessory to the legal and heavenly agreement.  Finally, be scared enough of the fact that you are entering into an agreement, signing a contract with God!

Men may change their minds – God remains committed.

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