Relationship before license

Criticizing in a way that you are heard is an art. 

Filipinos are natural born critics. It is not always in a bad way, or with bad intent, but more in the spirit of calling attention and hoping something, gets done, usually by someone else. We Care – We Just Don’t Dare! Yes, we care enough to say something but very few would actually dare to do something or find the solution to a problem or a fault. We can’t be bothered, we feel we don’t have the power, money or connections or we don’t want to get involved. With that mind set, we just waste our breath every time we criticize. Remember this: If you can’t be bothered – then live with the bother.

Generally, the reason why things are not addressed is because we never bring it to the attention of the right person, the proper authorities, or “High Enough.” The other side to this problem is that many persons in authority, whether it’s at home, in the barangay, the company or in government don’t have a system or an environment conducive to bringing such matters to their attention. Some leaders are action oriented but low on sourcing or receiving feedback.

Many kids don’t talk about their problems because parents are not seen as “approving” when it comes to talking about a problem or some emotional issue. They fear being judged or they are afraid of awakening the Hulk in Dad or revenge of Mom against who ever caused injury to their child! But more than that, the greatest injury to a child is to be ignored or dismissed often enough. To be told that your concern or problem is no big deal or “just live with it”, imagine the permanent damage it causes to your attitude. Is it any wonder why Filipinos are critical of leaders?

In government or private corporations, many offices are afraid of comments, resentful of criticism, and certainly ignorant or dismissive of about the importance of feedback and communications. As a result people get frustrated especially when there is no process that can be followed or system that insures problems or comments will properly and respectfully be recognized as valid and reasonable. The worst of them all is when “leaders” of people in office or holding position clearly forget, ignore or simply won’t apply suggested solutions to problems they themselves can’t fix and become victims of.

Aside from needing to address a legitimate problem, the bottom line is that people expect respect and recognition. As a result people go on Facebook, to the mainstream media, or worse, the political opponents or enemies in business of the ineffective leaders. Sadly those who failed to communicate and address concerns and issues go a step deeper into the mud by making denials, accusing media as paid hacks, or claiming that the criticisms are all politically motivated!

What’s really tragic is the fact that Ignorance is the starting point of the vicious circle. Both critics and recipients on the average are good people and well meaning people who are largely strangers to each other. The problem with anonymity is that it makes being rude and cruel a lot easier. Just go to Facebook and see what some people we know are capable of writing about global leaders all because they are secure in the thought that they’re unknown and too little to be singled out. That is until God’s justice or Karma comes knocking at your door with your name on a plate.

I’ve titled this article “Relationship Before License” to share the realization I experienced about government, civil servants, and what exactly we as citizens and critics should first do before being critics, especially those of us in media or those called or claiming to be Key Opinion Leaders (KOL). I once wrote “You must first be a teacher before you can be a critic” They say that we must first walk in the shoes of someone or live the life they live before we walk in and tell them how to live their lives. I for many years have been the most insensitive, critical and ignorant slob on the block as far as those requirements go. There are people who promote critical thinking in society but I think we got stuck in the word “critic” or criticism and never got to “thinking.”

Perhaps realization comes with age or as a gift from the Holy Spirit, but one day I simply got tired pointing out what’s wrong and I slowly worked my way into situations and offices and started teaching the generally accepted “Right Way” in my field of work and experience. Once you align your work with God’s will and God’s way, the doors of opportunity open in more ways than one. Soon I was teaching, giving trainings and before you know it, I had “friends” in places who would come to me for free advice.

Many people told me that I was silly or stupid for being so charitable. I guess they failed to realize that the point to it all is to first serve, then be a friend. Build up the trust, work on having a personal relationship rather than a transactional arrangement. In one “free” lecture I gave, someone gave me a card that read:

“The meaning of life is to find your gift.  The purpose of life is to give it away” – Pablo Picasso

I thought I was sharing my gift in life and the knowledge and experience I acquired through the years. What I discovered was I was influencing the outcome of business and government policy, I was encouraging leaders to have courage, humility and to turn to God and the Bible for wisdom. These past five years, God has opened many doors in terms of teaching, training and initiating communications programs and strategy that have helped people in business and government to better explain and address issues. And by the way, when God sends you on a mission – there is always provision.

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