Common cause of midlife crisis (Hint: It’s very FQ in nature)

Whether you are in this interesting stage or still so many years away from midlife, you are better off reading this short piece.

Please answer these questions. How do you spend your money? When you get hold of your pay, what’s the first thing that you do? What is your guide when allocating how you will use your money?

Chances are, you will be quick to enumerate the many bills you have to pay. Some may already be practicing the first basic law of money which is to Pay yourself first, and I say yehey! to that. But still, I will ask, how do you decide how to spend your money? What are you saving and investing for?

Not everyone will have the luxury to pause and think about this question, but since I already have your attention, try to answer the question, “What guide or compass do you use in dealing with money?” What are the things that you would do, not just with, but also for money?

Values and money

When I discuss this topic during my FQ talks and workshops, I always try to start with the question, “What are the values that money enables you to fulfill?”

Most of the time, the participants will have a difficult time answering that question. However, if the question is, “What material things would you like to have that money can buy?” the answers come flowing in. 

We are very quick in answering what material things we want to have, if we only had money to buy them. But we struggle to enumerate answers to the first question about what values we can fulfill with the help of money. It’s as if our money and values are exclusive from each other. 

Are they? No, the reality is they are so connected to each other. Imagine someone who’s a jerk. Then imagine him becoming ultra-rich. What happens? The jerk becomes a bigger jerk, right? On the other hand, think of a person who is very good and kind. Well, who knows, that could be you. Now, imagine yourself becoming super rich. What’s going to happen? I leave it up to you to answer that. For sure, you will understand the effect of money on people.

Because of the above, we have to be mindful of the person that we are. Be mindful of what kind of persons we are raising as we go on with our parenting. This is why we have to be mindful of our values.

What happens if you are not mindful of your values?

Here’s what can happen. One usually reaches the peak of his career during midlife. By this time, you might have already purchased the luxuries you had dreamed of during your younger years – a beautiful house, flashy cars, another house, expensive shoes, bags, clothes, all the nice trips you treat your family to, etc. However, one day, you might just wake up feeling empty despite being surrounded by all these supposedly good things in life.

Do you know why? Because you might have accumulated the wrong stuff. If you were not mindful of what you truly value in life, you are headed to a midlife crisis – the feeling of emptiness despite your seeming success in life! 

In FQ Book 1 "The nth Intelligence", I discuss examples of this phenomenon. 

What are values?

Values are not material things but beliefs, principles, and philosophies in life that we live by. We are willing to work hard for them, to fight for, sacrifice for, and to some people, even die for these values. Here are examples of values that we use in Gallup Strengths Coaching.

Now, I want you to choose from the list your top three to five values that you want to live by. If there are values that you care for but are not in the list, please include them. Put them in your device or any place that you will always see for your constant reminder, in order to protect yourself from using money in ways that run counter to your core values. 

Let me end this article with these sayings:

Remember to apply these lessons to avoid the most common cause of midlife crisis! Cheers!

ANNOUNCEMENTS

1. How good are you with money? Do you want to know your FQ Score? Take the FQ Test and get hold of your finances now. There are 3 ways to take the test, scan the QR code, FQMom Channel or click here.  

2. After the test, make them understand the basic laws of money, understand their relationship with money, including their own money biases, so they can improve their FQ, their money knowledge and behavior. Give them the gift of any or all of the FQ Books. Click here. 

This article is also published in FQMom.com.