The intricacies of backaches

I go near the window and pick up the multi-colored feather duster but it’s not made of feathers, it’s made of thread. I like it because it has a long stem and that’s what I need. Our apartment has wide window ledges. The windows have modern blinds that you roll up or down but they’re too far to reach comfortably, especially if you have a backache. So I invert the duster, hook the handle into the chain and bring the chain to me. That way I can raise the blinds and look at the view. This evening the view is desolate.

 The clouds are gray. The glass window is spattered with rain. The buildings are covered with what looks like fog. You cannot see clearly. That is what’s bothering me these days. I don’t see clearly.

 My main problem is still my back. It hurts most when I get out of bed. It hurts so much it brings tears to my eyes and sometimes I want to scream from the pain. The doctor I had gone to see discovered I had high blood pressure and diabetes. He put me on medication that is helping a lot. Every morning my husband and I sit across each other at breakfast and use our gadget for measuring blood sugar, new for me but not for him, and we sort of compete. Sometimes he wins, other times I win. Then we take our blood pressure. This one he always wins. But even if I got my blood sugar and blood pressure under control, my back still hurts.

One of my readers recommended a chiropractor. I went, spent a small fortune on x-rays, but still felt severe pain. Another reader recommended I try those Japanese magnetic pads. I remembered I had one so I took it and began sleeping on it. Have been sleeping on it since. It seems to help. But I bought it when I was still president of an advertising agency so I have had it for over 20 years. Maybe I should buy a new one but I don’t know where.

 Then the miracle of miracles — at least to me — happened. I suddenly remembered I once had a writing student who was a pain doctor. I even remembered her name: Lyde Alday Magpantay. I called her and rushed to see her. Never mind that my husband and I had to wait in line for four hours. Never mind that we had to eat the lousiest sukiyaki and tempura at the hospital canteen. She examined me, told me she suspected I had something wrong with my spine, fitted me with a tight girdle that held my stomach in and pushed my boobs up and held all the pieces of my spine together and that really and truly helped. That really and truly diminished my pain. Then she gave me the best painkiller in the world because it has virtually killed my pain.

 Now the unhappiest person in the world next to me is my poor husband. We got married in January and have been honeymooning vigorously in spite of our ages — 74 and 80. Lyde said she suspects that’s what caused my pain. She said no honeymooning for a while. That’s another source of extreme pain.

 In the middle of all this I receive text inquiring about the effect of StemEnhance Ultra on intimacy. Should I answer or not? I ask myself. Maybe I should just ignore it, I think, but then when I wake up I remember Dr. Margarita Holmes and her articles once upon a time. And StemEnhance Ultra does have an effect but not instant. It is not like the popular pills you buy that almost instantly work, then fade within a few hours. StemEnhance Ultra goes to your bone marrow and makes new stem cells. The stem cells are the ones that eventually have a honeymoon effect but you have to double the dose from two to four capsules and he has to take it every day. That can be quite expensive especially now that the price has gone up thanks to Trump and Duterte. At P4,700 per bottle you would have to constantly spend about P9,400 every month. Of course it gives you a lot of other perks. You sleep better, look younger, and you can honeymoon again unless you have a miserable backache like I do.

 But what can one do? Every morning I pray hard to everyone I know in heaven to please heal my back. At last I have found the right doctor for my pain and I promise all of my doctors that I will drink their medicines faithfully. I have had the x-rays taken. I will be totally obedient. If I am sent for physical therapy, I promise to go. Just please make us happy again.  Please let us honeymoon once more.

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