Hayden Kho:‘Fatherhood taught me how to live for Scarlet... and how to love Vicki better.’

Vicki says, ‘I never met a better dad than him. He’s almost perfect. He’s such a good teacher. He’s so patient with her. Even if he has a bad back and she’s 42 pounds, he keeps carrying her even when we go to Disneyworld.’

MANILA, Philippines — When the heavens gave celebrity doctors Hayden Kho Jr. and Vicki Belo the brilliant ball of energy that is Scarlet Snow, his wife and daughter became his world. Who could blame him? Scarlet’s cuteness is so infectious, her giggles are contagious; just ask her 2.3 million Instagram followers, making her one of the country’s most famous and most loved toddlers at only three years old. Vicki’s children Quark and Cristalle were growing up during the busiest time of her life ­— she was finishing up medical school and laying down the foundations of her eponymous beauty empire — so when Scarlet came along, it’s first-time dad Hayden who’s consciously taking Vicki by the hand to draw the family closer. He revels in his role, being as playful and doting as he can be.

You are very hands-on and ever-present in Scarlet’s life. Do you make a conscious effort to be a cool dad?

Hayden Kho, Jr.: It’s just naturally me. I’m very open to new ideas. Cool to me is when you can relate to the younger generation, you’re not so old-fashioned and nakakasabay ka sa tempo ng mas bata. In this case, she’s a three-year-old. To be able to relate to a three year old, when I talk to her, I use adult English, adult grammar, adult talk but I communicate in simple words, very playful prosily. I want her to be able to say in the future, when she’s 7, 12, that I have a cool dad. “You have to meet my dad. He’s very cool.”

As a doctor, do you practice a scientific approach in doing parenting right?

HAYDEN: The way I define my parenting style is I’m very God-centered and intentional. I have the conviction that the truth is already in the book and I think that she will be in the safest place if she’s in the center of God’s will. I try to inculcate that. If you take out spirituality in a person’s education, then it’s not comprehensive. It’s not complete. We have our minds, our emotions our will but we also have our spirits. I try to make sure that all those four things are covered. The secular way obviously is to take out the spiritual. Let’s shape the mind. Let’s train the heart. Let’s strengthen the will. Pero pag kulang ng spirituality, hindi complete. I’m very God-centered

Number two, I’m very intentional in my parenting. Every moment I spend with her, now that she’s only three, I try to teach moral values. Everything else, she’ll learn in the future in school. Her teachers in the future would probably be better than me in teaching subjects like history, math, biology or whatever. At this age, the moral values are important. Just the other day, Scarlet and I were trying to memorize the Ten Commandments. I was trying to make her understand what they mean. If you ask her now what the number one rule is in the house, she’ll answer you it is “Love God and love one another.” I’m very proud of her for understanding that. The other day, she’s in the school, she said, “You know, daddy, in school they don’t know God.” For a three-year-old, I got shocked. She said, “They don’t pray. They don’t thank God for the meals. They don’t know Jesus. “ So we decided we’ll transfer her to another school. We are all stewards. We don’t own them, di ba, we’re just here to take care of them. She will eventually have her own mind, her own will, her own vision for her life. Right now, I have dreams and hopes for her but all those are just parents’ dreams and hopes for a child and one day she’ll have her own and I’ll let her be.

Bad cop and good cop – who’s who?

Hayden: I think I’m the bad cop. I’m the one who makes her pagalitan. Toddlers learn their identity from their dads. Intimacy is the mother’s role – both of course – but more of the mother’s. We take our roles seriously.

Vicki Belo: No, he’s bad and good. He never really is angry. He never shouts. That never happens. But when she does something, he makes everyone leave the room that’s when he talks to her. He tells her what. When he scolds her, he’ll always preempt it with so much explanation like how much I love you and I want you to be good. Babies learn what we feel. Now she’s always trying to please him. It’s different when she’s a little afraid of him, so she’s always trying to make pa-cute to win him. She’s a super daddy’s girl.

Me, I always try to be the good cop. I’m on the relaxed side. It’s really Hayden who works hard. Me, I can spend time with her if I choose not to go to work today. Like now, I wanna bake with her. Vice Ganda asked us to bake him cookies so Scarlet and I will bake and we’ll send them. Scarlet always says, “We’re both girls, right, Mommy?” But she’s always bonding with him.

I was in second year with Quark and internship with Cristalle, so I was physically present but basically mentally absent from studying and coming from duty. I was starting out, trying to make a living to support the children so both Atom (Henares, her first husband) and I were working so hard. I didn’t see all the little things that happened. But now with Scarlet, I haven’t missed anything major. I’m enjoying the second time I’m a mother and now I’m a grandmother. It’s kind of weird to be the mother of a three-year -old and the grandmother of an infant (Cristalle’s son Hunter).

Hayden Kho Jr. (center) with daughter Scarlet Snow and wife Vicki.

Hayden, did Vicki give you parenting tips?

Hayden: Vicki lets me do my own style. She’s more the spoiler and she’s not aware of it. Cristalle also gave birth already. Scarlet had to learn how to be a big sister. She insists she’s a tita.

Vicki: I never met a better dad than him. He’s almost perfect. He’s such a good teacher. He’s so patient with her. Even if he has such a bad back and she’s 42 pounds, he keeps carrying her even when we go to Disneyworld. He’s very patient but he knows how play with her. It’s wonderful to watch the two of them. Before I used to feel bad cause they were so close and I was kinda like – she wasn’t so into me, but he knows how to make pa-cute and stuff. I’m kind of more serious but now he tries to make her get close to me, like, “Oh, say thank you to Mommy” kahit hindi naman ako nagbigay ng anything. He says, “Kasi Mommy said you can watch cartoons. Even in that aspect he knows how to bring me in. We’re a very happy family. Lord, please, thank you! Let it last!

She’s a social media sensation. What are your rules on her handling gadgets?

Hayden: She has her own iPad and phone, but she knows when she uses it, it’s a reward for when she’s obedient or when she participates in a favor I ask her to do. She only uses it to watch videos. I don’t want her to play digital games, so now it’s more hide and seek, more running. Diba nung bata tayo it was tumbang preso and patintero? It was more kinesthetic. I don’t want her to develop phubbing – it’s when you’re restless when you’re not using your phone. When you sit, you take a picture. You’re always scrolling or texting. I don’t want her to become a phubber. Children should learn how to interact with people. Social skills are very important. Eventually they’ll learn digital interaction but right now, face-to-face muna.

What’s a typical day like for her? She seems busy.

Hayden: She is very busy. She goes to play school every morning. She has swimming Monday and Wednesday afternoons. She has gymnastics every Saturday morning. Mandarin lesson MWTThS. Personal tutor three times a week. Teacher-daddy sessions is me teaching her twice a week. It’s more about morals and values .

How has fatherhood changed you?

Hayden: Fatherhood has changed me in ways I can’t put into words. Some, I’m very aware of, like number one it taught me how to be less selfish. Before, I lived for myself, did things for myself. Every once in a while I did things for others but when I became a father all of a sudden my focus was on my child. I became more careful, more cautious about the things I do and say. I think about her future. When I buy things, it’s more for her. Choosing investments, I think, “Can she use this in the future?” Children learn not from the things we say but from the things we do. I became even more dependent and trusting on God. She is not in my hands. I can’t protect her the way God can protect her. It taught me how to love Vicki better. Her understanding of intimacy will be based on how I treat my wife. That also changed. Bottomline I changed for the better by leaps and bounds kesa being single or married without a child.