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‘I’m in a father-daughter role playing with my girlfriend’

THE SEX ADVISOR - Eppy Halili Gochangco (The Philippine Star) - January 10, 2017 - 12:04am

Dear Eppy,

My girlfriend of three months is 21 years old and we love each other, even though I am more than twice her age.  We have sex once a week regularly.  However, lately, she kept repeating our role playing during sex — she wanted me to be her Papa and to refer to her as “Anak,” admitting that she liked watching father-daughter porn.

What really shocked me was when I nonchalantly asked her what she would do in case her real Papa made sexual advances to her.  She said she didn’t know! I expected her to say she would resist with all her might.  I am now worried that one day, her Electra Complex might turn into a reality… or is this just a normal phase that would eventually fade away?

Please help allay my fears.

Father Figure

Dear father Figure,

The Electra Complex is quite a complex topic to discuss.  It may be quite boring for some and fascinating for others.  Not wanting to lose some of my readers, I’d rather deal with your fears more than what Electra Complex is all about.  However, just to clear things out, Electra Complex is not about a female child wanting to have sex with her father.  That is not what Sigmund Freud meant.  Electra Complex is about the developmental growth of the female child.

Back to your fears.  There are many reasons for your girlfriend’s need to have a father-daughter role-playing sexual interaction with you.  Each individual has experiences that make that person the way he/she is.  People have different reasons for different behaviors.  No need to delve deep into the theories of psychology and make it look like there’s something wrong with someone. Sometimes, there’s a simpler explanation without the judgment that comes along with it.  Your girlfriend’s behavior may be explained simply as being related to an experience where she was watching a movie or a short film that had sex in it, with one of the partners shouting out, “…anak!”  And the man in the film was her most desired man!

That is only one explanation, there are many others.  However, you may be right, too.  Maybe she has a need to have sex with her father.  But the Electra Complex is not a good theory to explain her behavior because you are talking about incest.  So, really, if your girlfriend is incestuous, I think she would have had sexual relations with her father and won’t have the time to have sex with you at all.  The urge to have sex with her father would have been so strong that she would have done so already.

But I’d like to talk about you.  Every couple finds fault with each other.  Here are some of the things that partners fault the other for: She’s too quiet, he’s too distant, she’s too close to her parents, he is always hanging out with his friends, she’s too involved with the children, he’s too involved with work, he keeps on talking about his siblings, and so on.

Look at the statements above.  It gives you a sense of what the person (speaker) is feeling.  It’s about the other person not giving importance to the speaker.  Therefore, it says something about the insecurity of the speaker.  The speaker wants the partner’s attention to himself/herself.

Although I understand you, I think it is as easy as talking things out with your girlfriend.  Stop making assumptions in your head that make it look like there’s something wrong with her.  I think your age may have something to do with your fears.  Unconsciously, you’re thinking in your head “… I’m as old as her father.  Why does she like me?  Why does she want to have sex with an old man?  For her to like me, she must want to have sex with her father?”

See the transition of these statements and questions?  It started with you and ended with her having sex with her father.  Just because of an insecurity.  But that’s just my analysis of you.  I’m so irritating, right?  Well, that’s how your girlfriend will feel about you if you don’t go straight to her and ask her what makes her want to role play a father-daughter sexual act.  Keep no secrets from her so you’ll have a good relationship.  Stop creating a picture of her as a psychiatric case.  Love her and know her more.

Eppy

* * *

Email eppygochangco@gmail.com.

GIRLFRIEND
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