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Health And Family

A couple should not abandon each other just because of some quirks

THE SEX ADVISOR - Eppy Halili Gochangco - The Philippine Star

Dear Eppy,

I’m an ob-gyn specialist who is a mother of two teenage boys. I don’t agree with your advice to Mr. Victim BF to put the blame on PMS.  If it is normal for women, as you say, to act irrationally during their period, then all of us would have been insane because we were all reared by women (our mothers) who had their monthly periods.  How many women do you know “actually cry even if the guy hasn’t done anything to upset her” during their monthly period?  This alone is a sign of emotional instability.  Either that or she is scheming and manipulative. As I see it, Mr. Victim BF is right in saying that he is being abused in this relationship.  One should be appreciated and nurtured in a relationship, whether man or woman.  My advice to him is to leave her and find someone else who will love and appreciate him, and not to feel guilty about it.  After all, that’s what the boyfriend-girlfriend stage is all about, to know if you are compatible and can live with each other for the rest of your earthly lives.  Don’t ever think that she will change her ways for you when you are married, that’s insane!  And don’t think that she’s “the only one who understands you completely,” there are other girls worthy of your attention, you’re just not looking because you are with her.  You are young, you should be enjoying your today, planning your future.  Do not make your happiness depend on such a whimsical person.  Lastly, maybe you’re not the one for her, too. Somewhere out there is a man who will not mind her tantrums and love her unconditionally, and you are preventing her from finding that someone.  So, say your goodbye and make it firm.  PS: Tell the relatives of your gf about her behavior, this may be a sign of depression or other psychiatric problem that warrants medical attention.                       

Dr. Girl Scout

Dear Dr. Girl Scout,

Note to readers: Dr. Girl Scout refers to my article published In The Philippine STAR on January 26, 2016 about a guy asking help about his girlfriend who is emotional on some days.

I respect your opinion, but I certainly need to let you know that my intentions were for the young man to understand that people have moods.  Men have moods.  When they’re sick, they feel bad and they get cranky.  What more women with their physiological makeup!  Are you telling me that on days that women are about to have their periods, during their periods, or even after their periods, they act like Mary Poppins or Maria in the Sound of Music?  Are women like them the whole month, or the whole year?  I don’t think so.

I don’t think I was blaming PMS for the behavior.  When anyone feels rotten, they will feel bad.  Therefore, when a woman feels discomfort during PMS, she will become emotional.  A sick man would feel emotional, too, you know.  Anyway, what’s so wrong in telling the young man to be patient with his girlfriend?  He did say that she would be this way sometimes and it seems he is describing a pattern to me.  I can’t believe you’d rather I say that his girlfriend is the only one with that behavior and that she’s insane or has a disorder?  I don’t think I’d like to do that.  Excuse me, but a woman crying without reason does not mean emotional instability.  There is a possibility that the guy is being abusive, too, and just doesn’t know it.  He may have done something insensitive that only a woman can sense and he was just unaware of this. 

That’s why a man and a woman come together and become a couple.  The man learns from the woman and the woman learns from the man.  I’m sorry, lady, but I’m not going to make that poor girlfriend look like she’s crazy simply because a man is insensitive.  What makes you so quick to make him leave her?  Our world is full of conflicts.  We have to find ways to communicate and understand each other, not abandon one another because of some few quirks of ours.

Really?  Scheming and manipulative?  He didn’t say she was always like this.  If a woman feels bad, she feels bad.  That’s all.  She’s not crazy.  A man has to love a woman no matter what her faults are.  However, I do agree with you that it can happen that someone is not meant for another and may get someone suitable for him or her.  But let’s not jump into leaving people right away just because they are different.

Lastly, because women have PMS, it doesn’t mean their children will become crazy.  In fact, that is what teaches children to see that the mother is not perfect and has to be accepted the way she is.  Therefore, they teach children differences.  Meaning, there is such a thing as individual differences and we should accept people even if they are different from us.  Also, children learn that no matter how the mother is on some days, she deserves to be loved because on other days, she is nurturing and loving.

Eppy

* * *

Email [email protected].

Author’s note: if you want to rid yourself of any form of addiction, you may want to join our group therapy.  Our number is 09291650414.

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