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Health And Family

What’s app? ‘My wife has romantic exchanges with a man on her phone’

THE SEX ADVISOR - Eppy Halili Gochangco - The Philippine Star

Dear Eppy,

I have a problem with my wife.  In one of the apps on her phone, I saw her having “romantic” exchanges with a man.  They were exchanging pictures and informing each other of what they were doing and how they looked like after a bath.  Admittedly, I didn’t see any naked pictures from them.  The man was saying that he would like my wife to love him.  My wife said that she was willing to leave me if she was sure that he was going to give her a good future.  She continued that I was happy with her and loved her completely.  She said she was secure with me.

I got hurt with what I read and saw.  I confronted her and asked her what the problem was.  She said I was always busy and I don’t get to appreciate what she does.  For me, maybe she was making excuses.  She said they never met and never had sex.

Honestly, I am a serious person and am very focused on my work.  But I know what my responsibilities are.  It was not right for her to say that I don’t appreciate her.  Two to four times a month I bring my whole family to the mall.  When I have more money, my wife and I go to the movies.  She holds our family’s money.  I always ask her what she wants.  I would even make sure that when it comes to sexual matters, I try my best to satisfy her and I get to give her what she wants.  I think there is something wrong with her.

My wife had a son before we got married.  She fell in love with a married man, but the man died in a vehicular accident.  When my female friend discovered that I was going to marry my wife, she said that my wife falls for men who are good at wooing her.  My mother also had me before she married my stepfather, but I am sure that my mother is not a bad person or an easy woman.

Eppy, is my wife an easy woman?  Is she sick?

I asked her if she loves me and she said, “Yes!”  I asked her if I was not a good husband and she said, “…you are a good husband!”  I even asked her if she was satisfied sexually by me and she said she had no problem with that.  Just imagine, the guy is a tricycle driver while my wife and I are professionals.

If you ask me if I love her, my answer is “Yes, I do love her.”  I’m so confused.  What do I do to save my family?  What should I do so this won’t happen again?  Does my wife love me?

Confused Husband

Dear Confused Husband,

When a person is on a hill of dry grass, it is dangerous to play with fire.  That’s what your wife is doing, she is playing with fire knowing she is surrounded by dry grass.  However, did she burn the whole hill?  I don’t think she did YET.

I think it is clear in her exchange with the man that there was something about the man that got her attention.  The one that got her attention is ATTENTION.  Meaning, that man gave her so much attention that she was drowning in it.  But she was able to catch herself and think.  She thought deep enough to say, “I wouldn’t leave my husband because he loves and takes care of me.”

To answer your question on, “…how to save your family,” and, “how to stop this from happening again,” I suggest for you to start cleaning your ears well and listening to her!

A woman will never say what she needs.  A woman wants a man to listen to her even if she isn’t talking.  A woman wants you to look into her eyes and know through the expression of her eyes that she needs for you to say she is beautiful.  She needs to hear from you, “Thank you, my beautiful wife, that you took time to make my coffee.”  She wants to hear, “Every time you kiss me goodbye, I don’t want to go to work because I just want to look at you for the rest of the day.”

What woman would say, “Hey, idiot, here’s your coffee.  Appreciate that I did that.  Then before you get out that damned door, tell me how beautiful I am.  Then when you get to your stupid car, shout back to me you want to come back to me and look at me the whole day.”  Really?  You want a list?  That tricycle driver may not have finished high school, but he has more sense in making your wife interested in him than you, who, by the way are a professional.

Watching the movies with her is about you enjoying the movie, not enjoying her.  Bringing the family to the mall is simply that, bringing the family to the mall.  Spending time with family is all about saying, “Hey, eldest child, how was your school?  I really like spending time with you.  What would you like to be one day?”  Then you should say, “Second child, it’s okay that you’re different from eldest child.  I like you both the way you are.  I like you the way you are.”

So, stop screaming out loud how responsible you are or how you do everything right, how great you are in bed or how many times you brought your family to the mall or what a great husband you are, when you can’t even describe your wife and children to me and all you have to say are all the negative things your wife is.

Your mother may have had a mistake in the past.  She may have corrected her ways and along came a wonderful man who had faith in her.  Thank heavens, there are men like your step-dad.  Try to learn from your step-dad.  An emotionally satisfied woman will never stray.                                                              

Eppy

* * *

Email [email protected].

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