Recycled gifts for my favorite stars

Buying gifts for family, friends and “many others” in this intoxicating season of sky-high prices can be not only excruciating but also, yes, life-threatening (warning: stress can kill!!!). So, recycle if you must (you should, since “recycled” gifts can even be more expensive than what your shrinking wallet can afford) but make sure that the gifts you are recycling are not the same gifts that your intended receivers have given you during last year’s Christmas.                 

Gifts, recycled or whatever, are usually opened (with, ehem, great expectations) on Christmas Eve…in Singapore, they call it Boxing Day…while every household is sharing noche buena. Done with my grown-up Christmas list for loved ones, I am revealing my recycled gifts for my favorite stars...recycled because I and other people have given the same stars the same gifts Christmas in and Christmas out but they seem not to learn. How come? Read on.

• JM de Guzman: A Talking Doll (that wakes you up in the morning like an alarm clock) that screams with a nagging tone: “Beware of backsliding to a bad habit that ruined your career. Treasure the second (or is it third?) chance given to you and denied others.”                                                                            

• Anne Curtis: A long-delayed visit to an ophthalmologist to see if your vision hasn’t so deteriorated that you cannot anymore “see” the people who have worked hard to pave the way to where you are now. Keep this reminder in mind (paraphrased): Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay nalalaglag sa kinaroroonan.            

• Regine Velasquez: Same gift as Anne’s, wrapped in a wide ribbon with these words: “Enjoy it while it lasts. Showbiz peak is not forever. Here today, gone tomorrow.” 

• Vice Ganda: Two cats named Naomi and Tyra that meow high-pitched morning, noon and night, warning you against polluting the airwaves with your love affairs, real or imagined. Stick to hosting, not boasting.

• Sharon Cuneta: You are already a living legend, safe and secure on a pedestal all your own, so no need to call attention to yourself and harvest sympathy by flooding social media with tears and troubles. Happiness is how you make it without resorting to negativity.

• Ai-Ai delas Alas: As desperately desiring to have a child (at 50-plus), maybe more than working doubly hard with husband Gerald Sibayan, dancing thrice a week at the Sta. Clara Shrine in Obando, Bulacan, and offering baskets of eggs at a similar shrine in Libis, Quezon City, may help. Otherwise, ano ba ang hindi kayang gawin ng “science”? Hehehe!!!

• Willie Revillame: Leave politics to politicians and stick to what you do best...helping the needy in your show Wowowin while entertaining the madlang people. Some people are cut out for politics and, sadly, you are not.

• Alden Richards: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, remember? It’s okay to be making hay while the sun shines, so to speak, and there’s nothing wrong in taking time out for…loving? That is, unless you are keeping “something” a secret. Likewise, perhaps you should get rid of some baby fats.

• Maine Mendoza: Someone you can call your own and proudly tell the whole world about, and not someone who doesn’t even have the guts to tell the truth and nothing but. Stop the guessing game and make a clean breast of it.

• Jessy Mendiola: A brave(r) heart that will make you stick your tongue out at bashers and dismiss them with a “G.T.H.” Don’t let ‘em good-for-nothing cramp your style. By showing any sign of defeat will only make them happy. Thank heavens you have a supportive boyfriend in Luis Manzano, your Rock of Gibraltar.

 • Some showbiz stars dying to run in the 2019 midterms: Please don’t. You can serve the country better by running not in the elections but in a fun run.

(E-mail reactions at [email protected]. For more updates, photos and videos, visit www.philstar.com/funfare or follow me on Instagram @therealrickylo.)