Memento mori

CEBU, Philippines — “Death is something that everyone knows about, but no one wants to believe.” It is an unavoidable part of the cycle of life, yet most people do everything they can to resist their mortality. And each one has his own escape from the thought of dying.

Most people evade discussing about death. When pressed to comment on the subject, they’d simply utter the cliché – they want a good death, to die well. But what does that actually mean?

It may be worth taking the time to consider what would be one’s best possible death experience. Who would he like to be with in those final moments? What might be his last wishes? How would he want it all to feel to him?

But why think about death anyway when one is still very much alive? Well, because coming to terms with the inevitability of death can help teach him to live more fully, here and now. A consciousness of one’s mortality can enable him to cherish every moment of the life he has.

“Memento mori,” the catchphrase meaning “remember death” that originated in the Middle Ages when the Black Death claimed the lives of about a third of the entire population of Europe. Such widespread loss of human lives deeply changed the way people lived at the time. It prompted them to make the most of their lives, because death could come to them anytime.

Everyone has a ‘death’ experience.  The person who’s bereaved at the moment is not the first or the only one to be in it. People carry around with them end-of-life experiences, of death, of dying and loss with nowhere to let it go or talk about it – and that’s the truly sad part of the experience.

Dying goes on all over a place, but it’s hardly noticed. Often, the rest of the neighborhood has no idea. Even neighbors do not know who is dying among them; and if they do know, they don’t know what to do about it – for they fear being confronted with the reality of death.

People normally try to avoid the issue of their mortality until something happens to them or to their loved ones and they are forced to face an end-of-life situation. At such a time they find it almost impossible to cope with it all and powerless to stop the loved one’s journey towards death.

A person who is healthy, happy, and energetic – so full of life – can fade away, fold up and die of a disease in a space of a month or two, if not instantly from an accident. Those who are left behind would find it very bewildering.

People who are dying are people just like everyone else – only that their time has come and they are already going through the dying process. For their family and friends the scenario presents a good opportunity for learning and for showing compassion. The dying could educate those around about the process, and the people in attendance, by their very presence and listening ears, could assuage the feeling of isolation and bewilderment of the dying.

“Memento mori.” Being reminded of the limitedness of human life can focus one’s attention, enabling him to keep account of his life and consider possibilities still ahead. It can prompt him to ask himself searching questions: What impact does he want to make on the world? And what does he want his legacy to be?

In his book “A Catholic Approach to Dying,” Fr. Neil McNicholas asks: “What kind of send-off do we give our children and spouses when they, or we, leave home in the morning for school or work? Could we, or they, live with the memory of the last thing that was said or done in the tragic event that it actually was the last thing?”

Some people who are dying try to go through it as gracefully as they can.  They reason, humorously, that they have to make the most of it because “you only die once.”  Such a bright attitude towards death is amazing.

Dying does not make a person suddenly special, either. It is simply something that everyone will do or go through at some point. Everyone works with whatever comes their way, including illness, breakups, disease etc.

There are, everywhere, groups focused in understanding and being prepared for death. Some of the members have terminal illnesses, the others are in the pink of health. They are united by the same curiosity over the mystery surrounding human mortality.

And yet no matter how much preparation one has, often he is never the same again after someone he love dies. One is confronted with the ultimate reality about this earthly existence – that there is an end to every life, to everything, and it is all a matter of time.

“Memento mori.” The reminder doesn’t have to sound morbid or depressing. The fact is, awareness of one’s own mortality can lead him to behave differently in the present. “The more comfortable we become with the reality of death, and the less we deny it, the more positively attuned we’ll be to the day-to-day things [of life]…,” Fr. Neil McNicholas writes.

Indeed, by being reminded of the certainty of death, one can begin to take life seriously.