Romance in the Age of Technology

CEBU, Philippines — The term “technology” tends to suggest an absence of feeling, a purely mechanical or electronic realm. The word summons images of machines and electronic devices. The age of technology is ruled by gadgets, which now do faster and more efficiently the many chores that used to take people some time to perform.

In the light of modern technology, it has become increasingly fashionable to mimic the cold ‘objectivity’ of machines. In the process, people become unfeeling and are unwittingly reduced to being machines. And they quite like it that way.

But there’s the feeling of love that can’t be held back – not completely or not for long… or not at all. Especially romantic love, the emotion stubbornly seeks its own expression. Romance asserts its place even amid high technology.

In the book “Modern Romance,” author Aziz Ansari states that in today’s world of internet dating and social media, the path to finding true love may be more difficult to find. It’s easier to find a mate, yes. But it’s like picking up much more worthless pebbles before finally coming upon a gemstone.

Ansari spent over a year interviewing hundreds of people from around the world about their dating experiences and love lives. He also combed through research and interviewed various experts in the field – like a happiness expert, a marriage and family historian, and a psychologist who studies the science of choice, to name a few. The results of this search convinced Ansari that while the immediacy of the internet and the ubiquity of mobile phones have made some aspects of relationship-building easier, these have also made other aspects much more complicated.

In the past, single people may have met potential dates mostly through introductions by family, friends, or colleagues. These days, people can increase their dating choices exponentially via online dating services, all with relative ease.

The ease of connecting and finding a date makes people tend to rush to judgment based on superficial information. Obviously, the chances of meeting someone that one clicks with increase with more people he or she meets. The flipside is that the person may continually feel uncertain whether the one he settles for is the best bet or if he may have settled too soon.

To choose the best from among a big number can be stressful. It is especially so now with the Millennial generation, who is faced with immense pressure to find the ‘perfect person’ – physically, mentally, financially, totally. Today’s youth just won’t do in the culture of their elders where ‘good enough’ was good enough.

The internet is a convenient venue where to pick potential dates. Technology even makes it easy for those who are fearful of making the first move. They may first test the waters a bit without jumping in – by Googling potential dates, checking out their profiles, or sending sweet messages.

But it’s hard to get a sense of someone via a highly choreographed online presence or to accurately gauge interest through texting alone, where miscommunication is rampant. An anthropologist asserts that “there’s not a dating service on this planet that can do what the human brain can do in terms of finding the right person.” In other words, meeting face to face is important.

There is, for example, a kind of angst around texting potential dates, like having to decide how soon to respond to someone’s text. Too soon, the person seems overeager; too long, he or she seems not interested – or the person may send messages that do not convey clear intentions. But texting can be very useful in setting the stage for an actual meet-up.

Technology has indeed made human interaction much easier and wider. It’s also much easier to abuse it, because it’s so convenient. Those who are enjoying the frills of technology shall be careful not to lose track of the human beings behind the gadgets.